My wife Vanessa and I, both 38, have been married for the past decade and together for about 13.
We’ve had a somewhat typical relationship with no affairs or significant misunderstandings, and our families get along well together.
We also have two amazing children, a 7-year-old girl and a 5-year-old son.
We come from comparable financial backgrounds.
Our parents raised us comfortably, but we weren’t spoiled.
I’m not sure how she got into the habit of being a spenthrift anytime she thought she could afford it, even if only a little.
I believe that’s been my main complaint about her during our relationship.
She doesn’t always realize that we shouldn’t spend all of our money right away.
She subscribes to the it’s just money school of thought, which is something we’ve always differed on.
However, it has never been a major issue for us to quarrel over, and we have nearly always ignored it.
This became a big concern a year ago when I was promoted to CFO at my company, which came with a large compensation increase.
Obviously, I informed Vanessa of my expected salary, and I recall reminding her that just because I was getting a rise did not mean we should suddenly begin living above our means.
I don’t think she heard me, though, because she began splurging frequently shortly after my promotion.
It began with buying sprees.
She then began spending my money on nice items from well-known brands, even going so far as to redecorate our home.
She got rid of all of our perfectly decent furniture so she could replace it with brand new, trendy pieces.
You can imagine how much that must have cost me because she made no contribution to any of these expenses despite the fact that she is a working woman.
The main difference is that she is a high school teacher while I work longer hours in corporate.
I have to admit that my wife handles most of the domestic tasks and spends the most time with our children.
That was her initial defense.
She expressed her dissatisfaction with working all day and felt entitled to a reward for her efforts.
She reminded me that when I had to work late at night or travel regularly for work prior to my promotion, she was the one who held down the fort at home.
With two young children, that was also a difficult chore.
I understood where she was coming from.
So, even though I attempted to persuade her to cut back on her reckless spending, all I did was talk to her and hope she understood my worry.
But she didn’t.
And things just got worse.
She kept spending more money.
I’m not a miser, but whenever I tried to talk to her about her spending habits, she treated me like one.
She’d make me feel bad for attempting to stop her.
We had recently fought a lot about our finances.
Even though I was making decent money following my promotion, we hadn’t been able to save much because of her extravagant spending.
Then last week, she pushed all boundaries.
When I got home from work, I discovered that the babysitter had been summoned, and instead of Vanessa, she was caring for the kids.
I was obviously perplexed because we generally only contact the babysitter when both of us need to go out.
Vanessa hadn’t told me about her plans for the day, which she generally does, even if it’s only to meet friends for breakfast or something else.
I do the same for her.
I tried calling her several times, but couldn’t get through.
I eventually asked the babysitter to clarify what was going on, and she informed me that Vanessa had reportedly hired her to remain with the kids for a week, day, and night.
This made me even more bewildered as I had no understanding what was going on.
I let the babysitter handle the kids while I tried to phone Vanessa and her parents, but neither of them answered.
I even tried contacting her pals, but they had no idea what was going on either.
After nearly 3 hours of attempting, she finally answered my call.
I instantly placed her on blast because her behavior was so irregular and I felt entitled to an explanation.
She explained that she couldn’t react earlier since she and her parents were on a flight.
They had decided to take a family trip to Miami, so none of them could return my calls.
She didn’t think she needed to elaborate anymore.
I had to ask her why she had left me and the kids behind to travel to Miami with her parents without first addressing it with me.
I already knew she planned to stay for a week because the babysitter had told me.
When I began questioning her, she did not take it well.
Instead, she told me that I had no business referring to her in that manner because she had done everything in her power to secure her family’s happiness.
She felt it was time for her to do something for her parents as well.
I attempted to tell her that I didn’t mind her doing things for her parents, but the fact that she didn’t think it was necessary to discuss it with me first worried me.
That had been the situation for the previous year.
She had never contacted me before making important financial decisions.
She simply cut me off harshly, saying she needed and deserved a break and hung up.
I tried contacting her several more times, but she did not answer.
That was the final straw for me.
I had tolerated her conduct for a long time, but I couldn’t take it anymore.
I immediately made a couple calls to block her credit cards.
Her personal card was the only one that continued to work.
After confirming the cards were blocked, I began receiving phone calls and messages from her, but I turned off all notifications.
I then called a buddy who connected me with his divorce lawyer.
I explained the scenario to the lawyer and requested him to begin drafting divorce papers for me right away because I’d had enough.
2 days later, Vanessa returned home.
When I answered the door, she instantly apologized for her actions.
She claimed she had no idea how hurt I would feel.
She claimed she took the next available aircraft back home as soon as she realized the enormity of her error.
She claimed that she would have returned earlier, but Storms had canled all flights, forcing her and her parents to wait.
Now that she was back, she stated she was willing to discuss and tell her side of the story so that we could work things out.
It was too late.
However, my lawyer had already delivered the divorce papers to me for signature the night before.
I tossed the papers at her and told her she had to deal with them because I was done with her.
While she was still reading the papers, I shut the door.
A few seconds later, she began shouting at me, knocking on the door, and imploring me to open it.
She continued saying that I could not do this to her.
It hurt a lot to see her like that, but I honestly couldn’t handle it any longer.
Fortunately, our children did not have to witness their mother’s emotional breakdown, nor did they have to see me ignore her.
I’d sent them to stay with my parents for a few days, expecting that something like this would happen.
Vanessa continued to knock on the door for nearly 15 minutes before giving up and leaving, likely to return to her parents.
She has been attempting to chat to me for the past week.
I’ve muted her everywhere.
I haven’t blocked her because we still have the kids to think about and even if I do, I’ll have to unblock her someday.
So, it seems pointless.
Out of curiosity, I read a few of her messages.
It has been a mixed bag.
Most of the time, she apologizes profusely, not just for the most recent episode, but for everything that has occurred.
She has promised to attempt to curb her costs and be more responsible with our finances.
However, her texts occasionally take on a different tone.
She accuses me of being ruthless and says I can’t waste 13 years of our relationship and a decade of marriage on this.
She says that if I want to work things out, I must want to do so with her.
She recently wrote me a message in which she acknowledged that I was upset with her, which was understandable, but reminded me that we have two children together and must consider their well-being.
She accused me of being overly egoistic, stating I was only concerned with myself and my wrath, not the children.
She went on to say that most people try to work through such issues before filing for divorce.
For some reason, her message stuck with me, most likely because she mentioned the kids.
Now, I’m re-evaluating the entire scenario.
I’m beginning to worry if I’m being too hard on her.
The notion of divorce has also taken its toll on me, and I realize that I may not have been thinking about the children as much as I should have.
I’ve been visiting them at my parents house, trying to keep things under control, but I know they’re unhappy.
They will probably be even more sad without their mother in their life.
Despite her flaws, Vanessa is a good mother.
She was not lying when she said she had always tried to make our family happy.
Perhaps I am making a hasty decision by filing for divorce so quickly.
Update one.
Hey, after reading the comments, I realized there are some topics I still need to talk with my wife before making such a big decision.
Not just those in the comments, but also my friends and family agree that chatting with her could be good.
So yesterday, I decided to contact her and offer to meet her for lunch and discuss.
We opted to keep the kids out of it despite the fact that she missed and wanted to see them.
For practical reasons, I didn’t think we’d be able to communicate effectively if they were present.
I did, however, tell her that she was welcome to visit my parents whenever she wished.
When we eventually met, it seemed weird at first.
Then she went right in and started apologizing for everything.
She stated her point of view and informed me that she thought I was always being frugal with money instead of simply trying to enjoy our life.
She conceded, however, that she did have an issue with overspending and had been in denial about it for so long.
She saw herself as the ideal wife and refused to accept that this was a problem she needed to resolve.
She also said that because of my job, she often worried that I wouldn’t be able to spend enough time with my family or at home.
In some strange manner, she was simply trying to keep herself occupied since she was really lonely.
That was something we discussed previously.
As a high school teacher, her hours were relatively short.
Yet, she spent the majority of her time at home each day.
She didn’t have many pals because her former friends were either busy during the week or spent weekends with their family.
She expressed her desire to spend time with us because weekends were the only time I could be with the family.
Because of this, she hasn’t been able to form any significant connections in the 10 years after we married and had children.
Whatever friendships she had before had begun to grow apart, and she now only saw those friends on occasion.
She said that she thought that shopping would help her cope with her loneliness and boredom.
Retail therapy was the one thing that made her happy.
She became preoccupied with remodeling our home, going on shopping sprees, and making big purchases because it gave her something to focus on.
For some reason, she felt like she was accomplishing something worthwhile with her time and money.
The trouble was that she didn’t realize she was beyond regular spending limitations, which is why we had so many conflicts.
She really apologized and agreed that she should have told me about it.
She found it quite difficult to admit to herself that this was a genuine problem.
As she told me this, she began crying and I realized how lonely she had gotten.
It’s true that after our marriage and having children, she had little time for herself.
I had to admit that a big portion, if not all of this, was due to the sacrifices mom had made for me and our family.
When we had our first born, she spent less time with her friends and family because someone had to stay at home in the evenings to finish the task.
I’d arrive home late, and it was nearly hard for me to divide the tasks or take over responsibility for our infant since I was so fatigued.
When we had our second child, she went above and beyond to manage two children in the household so that I didn’t have any problems.
Of course, it was teamwork, but she was still on the team and performed admirably.
As we talked, it dawned on me how much effort we had both put in over the last 10 years to secure our family’s happiness.
I concluded that I couldn’t waste all of those years simply because I was sad.
Yes, I was outraged and extremely wounded by her actions, but she saw the problem and was determined to change.
I believed I owed it to her and our children to try to make our marriage work.
I tried to console her while she was crying, telling her that I was willing to work on our marriage.
However, I thought it would be best if we took a few days apart to cool off, and she agreed.
We were both being realistic.
After all, we had just had a massive dispute, likely one of the most serious in our relationship, especially because I had gone so far as to see a lawyer.
That’s a significant event, and I believe that taking some time apart to reflect on our behavior would be beneficial.
I couldn’t expect her to be away from the kids for too long, so I told her they were staying with her in-laws, and she could visit whenever she wanted.
She was pleased with the choice and the meeting ended on a positive note.
We also agreed to meet again exactly a week later.
In the meantime, I intended to contact my lawyer to cancel the divorce procedures.
Update two.
Hello.
Vanessa and I met again yesterday.
We have been in touch for the past week and we both acknowledged that our marriage is far from perfect.
It hasn’t been ideal in a long time and we both agreed that we needed to work on it.
We chose to attend a marriage counselor and committed to making it work.
We agreed that it shouldn’t be too difficult because we still love one another.
As long as we can agree on one thing, we can overcome whatever obstacles that arise.
This week apart provided me with valuable information and opportunity to ponder on my life.
She wasn’t wrong about anything.
She was right when she stated I spent a lot of time at work and she was also right about how much money she spent.
We were both excessive in our own ways and it had a negative impact on our marriage to the point where we were thinking about divorce.
That clearly has to change.
As I said in my last update, I am grateful that so many individuals supported my decision.
Of course, there are still others who believe I’m doing the wrong thing and have labeled me a doormat for even considering giving our marriage another chance after what she did.
But that doesn’t matter because she’s the mother of my children and we’ve been together for a long time.
One fight is insufficient to erase that.
Besides, we’re not only doing this for ourselves, but also for our kids.
They definitely need both of us in their lives.
I’ve already spoken extensively about my decision and discussed why I arrived at this determination.
Neither of us was flawless, but now that we’ve identified the flaws on both sides, we’re tackling them together.
It is fine if this causes some people to be upset.
After all, you only have the information I’ve provided, but I’ve been in this relationship for years and know this is the best way forward.
I don’t dismiss anyone’s advice or life experiences, but a few people being dissatisfied with my decision on an online forum won’t change or affect it.
That is all.
Having said that, I’m quite pleased with my choice.
When Vanessa and I met yesterday after our oneweek vacation, we were both in a much better mood.
We hugged as soon as we saw each other, and that hug gave me confidence that I was doing the right thing.
It was evident that neither of us were prepared to let go.
She was the first true love of my life, and I have been the same for her.
We just lost touch in our relationship while juggling professions, families, and other commitments.
As folks say, life got in the way.
But don’t worry, she’s finally moved back in.
She returned this morning, and I also brought our kids home from my parents’ house.
Now, we’re all living together as one happy family under the same roof, and I hope to keep it that way for the rest of our lives.
I know the last two weeks have been extremely difficult for all of us, particularly the children.
At least Vanessa and I are grown-ups who can manage our emotions better than they can.
As much as my children adore their grandparents, they both missed us horribly.
I could see the joy on their faces when we all got back together, and I never want to put them through something like this again.
Knowing that I’m doing the best thing for my family makes it easier to forgive Vanessa.
During our chat yesterday, Vanessa and I agreed that what she had done was wrong.
She explained that the only reason she went without notifying me was that she knew I would be upset.
She believed that as a grown woman, she shouldn’t have to beg for permission from anyone.
We worked through it, realizing that it wasn’t about asking for my permission, but about being honest with me and thinking about our family, which she hadn’t done.
She apologized again, and I assured her that I was ready to go on and start again.
That’s how we got back together.
Even today, a few hours later, when the kids had fallen asleep, we spoke again.
She apologized to me for being so insensitive, particularly during the last year.
She burst into tears again and I soothed her.
We made several pledges to each other.
This time we’re determined to keep our pledges and not forget about each other or our children while living our lives.
That was the worst mistake we’ve ever made and we’re determined to avoid it again.
Update three.
It’s been almost 6 months since my previous update.
I purposefully waited until now to post anything because even after my last update, many people questioned whether this would work.
Some accused me of being a doormat or a pushover because I gave my wife another chance.
A few even took the time to contact me directly to express their thoughts.
None of this matters now.
We’ve been attending couples counseling for 6 months and are actively working on our issues.
Guess what?
It has been working in our advantage.
We’ve never been happier together and the kids are doing great as well.
We’re no longer constantly arguing or making subtle jabs at each other without recognizing it.
We had no idea how much our behavior had been harming the children until we began addressing it.
We’ve been working on it slowly as well.
Instead of suppressing our frustrations and acting out like children, we began communicating directly with one another.
That’s made all the difference.
Of course, we still need to put in effort.
Sometimes it’s important to keep our cool, but other times it’s better to let it all out and have a genuine disagreement, but at the end of the day, we’re still together and have always been able to work through our differences.
That is what is actually important to us.
Everyone in our lives is relieved we did not go through with the divorce, especially our parents.
Initially, they weren’t completely opposed to the idea, but they eventually concluded it would be too severe.
Honestly, I don’t think obtaining a divorce would have made either of us happy.
We’d both be miserable.
That being said, remaining together isn’t for everyone, but it was the greatest option for us.
I have maintained all of my vows to Vanessa, and she has kept hers to me.
I’ve reduced my job hours and I’m trying to spend more time with my family.
We’ve been going on weekend getaways, having supper together, and spending time with the kids.
I’m gradually discovering how much I’ve been losing out on, and frankly, I don’t believe the rat race is worth sacrificing family for.
This change may have an impact on or possibly slow down my professional development.
I am not concerned about being passed over for future promotions.
I’ll devote as much time to work as required, but I won’t allow it consume my life.
Vanessa has also started to live a more fulfilling life.
Instead of devoting all of her time to her family and then splurging all at once, she has begun to spend time with her friends and pursue new interests.
She now prioritizes self-care, which has been a nice adjustment.
She appears to be a lot happier and is no longer prone to overspending.
In short, we’re all happier than we were 6 months ago or even before that.
We’re all really delighted we decided to keep together.
Update four.
Hello everyone.
It has been almost a year since my last post, and in a few weeks, Vanessa and I will be throwing a party and ceremony to reaffirm our marriage vows.
The last few months have been incredible, so we decided it’s the perfect moment to renew our vows.
This ceremony will be far grander than our previous wedding.
When we married, we were both just starting out in our careers and relied largely on our parents to finance the wedding costs.
We couldn’t make it too enormous as it would have been unreasonable this time.
However, we are splurging a little and happily we agree on it.
We’ve earned this, but it isn’t the finest part.
Vanessa gifted me with a set of really costly platinum cufflings yesterday.
She explained that she had meant to wait until the wedding to give me her gift, but she couldn’t wait to see the expression on my face for the fact they were extremely expensive and she makes significantly less money than I do.
It wasn’t about the material value of the present.
It was about its sentimental significance.
I knew it would have burned a hole in her purse, but she went ahead and did it.
She told me she was grateful to have me in her life because she thought any other man in my position would not have taken her back after what she had done.
But I did.
I placed her in the family first.
She wanted me to know how grateful she was for everything I did for her, and the cufflinks were her modest mark of appreciation.
I’m not normally an emotional guy, but I ended up crying since our relationship has been a long road and we’ve finally arrived at a point when everything feels perfect.
Also, I’m not complaining, but most of the time I’ve been the one to give such expensive gifts, not just to Vanessa, but to everyone in my family.
I had never been on the receiving end before, so this was a big deal for me.
I told Vanessa just how grateful I was for her.
I also told her that at the end of the day, we’re a team and our priority will always be family.
I told her, and I will say it again, I am grateful to have her in my life.
A Lie Kept My Father Away From My Wedding
For perspective, my biological mother is not in the picture and has never wanted to be.
Aside from giving birth to me, I cannot recall anything mom has done for me.
When I was younger, it hurt a lot because I believed I had done something wrong to have her hate me and leave.
Now I know better.
My father married my stepmother when I was 8 years old.
Now that I’m an adult, I understand why dad remarried, even if I wish he hadn’t.
My stepmother pretended to have a soft place for me while dating my father.
It was her way of winning him over, but I was never deceived.
I could tell from the way she handled me when he wasn’t present.
I attempted to tell my father, but he assumed I simply didn’t like her since she wasn’t my mother.
He said having a mother figure in my life was beneficial and that I should learn to accept her.
I realized he needed companionship perhaps more than I needed a mother.
So, I chose to endure my stepmother.
She wasn’t completely nasty to me, but she didn’t care as much as she wanted my father to believe she did.
She always did the bare minimum rather than going above and beyond.
I didn’t expect her to because I wasn’t her biological child, but it still hurt.
Diana, my stepmother, had never married nor had children before meeting my father.
My father and Diana tried to have children for years before ultimately having one.
My sister is six years old today and she is really gorgeous.
I adore her and would do anything for her.
As you can tell, I am much older than she is.
The wedding day.
My father was meant to attend my wedding today, but he was unable to do so due to my stepmother.
When I got to the location, I was surprised to find neither of my parents present.
I called my father and he informed me that Ruby, my younger sister, was missing and he and Diana were looking for her.
I was afraid this couldn’t happen on my wedding day.
I honestly wanted to cancel the whole affair, but my father reminded me that we had guests who had taken time off work and flown to attend.
He told me I couldn’t disappoint them and made me pledge to wait an hour.
If he wasn’t returned by then, I should go on with the wedding.
When the hour was up, they still hadn’t found Ruby, so I had no choice but to proceed with the ceremony.
I was devastated.
In addition to my husband, my father is the most significant person in my life.
He was supposed to lead me down the aisle, but he wasn’t even present.
I was heartbroken, but also felt terrible for being upset because my sister was absent.
A few minutes after we exchanged vows and were about to begin the reception, my father called to say they were on their way.
When they came, I discovered that Ruby had gone home with a friend.
The school accepted it because her best friend’s mother was also authorized to take her up if her own mother was unable.
Diana pretended she didn’t know and apologized excessively for everything.
I didn’t believe her since something didn’t make sense.
After everything had calmed down, I questioned Ruby why she went home with her closest friend when her mother had not instructed her to.
Ruby responded, “Mommy told me to go with Eli but not tell anyone.
Diana had purposefully caused my father to miss my wedding, blaming it on Ruby’s disappearance.”
By this point, the reception was almost done, and my husband and I were about to leave.
My father continued apologizing for missing the wedding, but I told him he shouldn’t blame himself, but rather the lady he married.
He stated that was a serious accusation.
I told him that wasn’t an accusation if it was true.
And I asked Ruby to repeat what she had previously told me.
She did it so that everyone could hear.
I could see the wrath on my father’s face as he struggled to suppress it.
He asked Diana if what Ruby had stated was true.
She didn’t answer right away, so he had to shake her out of her thoughts by shouting.
What she said next startled me.
Diana admitted that she thought my father only cared about me, gave me everything I needed, and frequently neglected her and Ruby.
She admitted that she wanted the first wedding when my father walked a bride down the aisle to be Ruby’s, not mine.
She considered Ruby to be her first and only daughter.
She said that I had always had all of the attention in my life, and it was time for Ruby to get some, too.
Diana expressed jealousy that my father would escort me down the aisle.
Ruby is just 6 years old for crying out loud.
And Diana was prepared to wait 20 years for that time.
Instead, she destroyed my wedding to draw attention away from me.
Diana was the closest thing to a mother I’d ever had.
And all she had to do was accept me as her daughter and enjoy her time as the mother of the bride.
My biological mother was not invited to the wedding, so it wasn’t like two mothers were fighting for me.
My wedding was not the moment for her to be insecure about her and Ruby’s status in the family.
Nothing she said made sense to me.
It’s tragic that it took so long for my father to recognize who she really is.
What has already been done is irreversible.
It will always be true that my father missed my wedding for no legitimate reason, and it hurts tremendously.
Diana expressed no remorse.
She expressed everything as if it were true, expecting everyone to comprehend and agree with her.
She has always been this way, unable to admit her mistakes and unable to apologize.
This time though, she had gone too far.
She tampered with our lives in an unpleasant manner.
My father was terribly disappointed, but he didn’t want to make matters worse on my wedding day, so he excused everyone, stating that we would discuss it later.
We did not travel for our honeymoon right away since we had arranged a Thanksgiving ceremony the day after the wedding.
Diana acted as if nothing had happened the day before the service.
She urgently tried to be polite to me, overcompensating with praises and excessive attempts to ensure everything was in order, despite the fact that everything had been arranged months in advance.
Honestly, all I needed from her was a real apology.
But it didn’t appear that I was going to get it.
That explains why she was doing so much.
So that we could go on, she needed to understand that there is no moving forward without a genuine apology.
Even though it won’t reverse what happened, she must accept she was wrong and truly apologized to me, my father, and my husband before we can move on.
My spouse has always believed my family was chaotic.
And this further supports his opinion.
His family dynamics are quite different from mine.
Quiet, prim, and proper, whereas mine feels far more ghetto in comparison.
We intended to have lunch at the church where the Thanksgiving service would be held, which was close to our new home.
I was on the edge of cancelling because I didn’t want to deal with my stepmother any longer.
But being with my husband has taught me to see the broader picture and not behave rashly.
Despite my reservations about cancelling, I realized it would be more detrimental than beneficial.
She did everything during lunch to persuade me to talk to her, but I refused.
This was not something that could be overlooked, and no one would just move on.
The tension in the air was evident, and I’m sure everyone expected me to lash out at her.
Then during lunch, she made a statement that referred to me as her daughter.
That was the breaking point for me.
I informed her that she had no right to call me her daughter.
There was no point in pretending she cared about me or wanted the best for me because her behaviors demonstrated otherwise.
I made it obvious that I did not want her or anything associated with her near me, especially Ruby.
I was tired of tolerating her only to make my father happy.
I asked her to leave and warned her not to return to my place.
Lunch had ended and it was time for everyone to leave.
Some of my pals stayed behind to cheer me up and assist me with packing for my honeymoon.
Months later, it’s been months since my wedding and things have not improved.
I haven’t seen or spoken with my stepmother since that Thanksgiving feast.
I’ve excused myself from every function that might bring us together.
My father tried to talk me into reconciling with her, but I refused.
I do not want her in my life.
My father once asked me a striking question.
Was I willing to end my relationship with Ruby?
I didn’t react since I was too annoyed to consider Ruby at the time.
However, I now feel terrible about putting her in the center of all this.
She did nothing wrong, but I punished her.
My father informed me that Ruby misses me a lot.
He mentioned that she’d cried and asked for me multiple times, which crushed my heart.
Still, I wasn’t ready to let go of what had happened, so I did nothing.
Am I doing to Ruby what my real mother did to me?
I know it isn’t precisely the same, but I can’t stop feeling guilty.
NTA: I believe you simply need time to process your emotions before returning to Ruby’s life.
I can’t imagine how you feel knowing your father missed your wedding.
NTA: Your father could have done more than just shout at her to obtain the facts.
It did not appear that he took command of the situation.
He must guarantee that his wife makes amends, even if it means using force.
My Fiancée Crossed the One Boundary I Set for My Daughter
My fianceé and I have been together for several years.
She met my daughter Ava who is 15 and they seem to get along well.
However, I am not comfortable with her parenting my daughter.
I do not want her to dictate or try to parent her.
Many people may not like that, but it’s what Ava and I are comfortable with, and we talked about it before I got engaged or allowed my fiance to move in.
This was not sprung on my fiance either.
She was told this long before we began dating, got engaged, or moved in together.
It was never new knowledge.
I told her that I understood if she didn’t like it, but it was a barrier I was establishing for my daughter and myself.
She appeared to understand at the time.
If you want more context, seek up Nacho Parenting.
I’ve never had a problem with someone not enjoying this setup.
My concern is that she suddenly has a problem with it despite knowing about it earlier.
After she moved in a few months ago, she began taking Ava to school.
I never expected her plan for her to do that.
Yet, she awoke an hour early to drive my kid to school.
Things got heated when she went to Ava and informed her she couldn’t go out because she had homework to do.
This sparked an argument because Ava was attempting to explain, but my fiance kept cutting her off, saying, “Nope, you can’t go out.”
When I went in, I clarified that Ava wasn’t going to a hangout, but to the library to study for a group test her teacher had planned.
My fianceé was surprised and remarked, “Well, she doesn’t need to be going out like that anyway.
She won’t focus in a group.”
I informed her that it was not her decision to make.
I drove Ava to the library and returned to find my fianceé seething.
She accused me of embarrassing her and claimed Ava wasn’t even studying.
I informed her again that she had no right to influence what my daughter did.
If she had real issues, she should have contacted me, but she had no business arguing with my child in that manner.
She replied, “Oh, so I can send her off, pick her up from school, and deal with all of the inconveniences, but I can’t discipline her?”
I told her no, she couldn’t and reminded her that this wasn’t about parenting.
The problem was that she had willfully crossed a barrier that had been explicitly communicated from the beginning.
I told her she went out of her way to cross that limit and then tried to defend it later.
That was her decision.
She departed, claiming she was too angry to converse at the time.
Now I feel as if I’m being set up.
She was aware of this boundary and is treating it as something she can wear down over time.
NTA.
You set a clear and firm limit and she continually violated it, then became angry at you for holding her responsible.
If your fiance is unable to accept this, you may need to reassess your relationship.
These are huge red flags.
She ignores your and Ava’s very fair boundaries and then gives you the silent treatment when questioned.
She also tried to shift the responsibility onto you, claiming you embarrassed her.
NTA, but I believe you should really rethink your relationship with your fianceé.
It appears she believed that as you became closer as a family, she would be able to make judgments about Ava’s parenting.
However, her behavior throughout this circumstance appears to be controlling.
One Night of Drinking Left Me With a Ruined Bed and a Difficult Coworker
The drinking age here is 18.
I work at a club with crazy hours.
So, one Saturday morning after work, some of my co-workers and I decided to have a few beers in my house.
There were four of us, ages 32, 27, 25, and 19.
Working in a club, we’re used to seeing people become trashed, so we realized the value of recognizing our boundaries.
Nobody was compelled to drink.
We’d all worked 10 hours on our feet, so there were only four women sitting around a coffee table with whiskey, tequila, gin, and mixers.
Paige, 19, continued to pour shots as the rest of us sipped our drinks gently.
We all agreed to pace ourselves and take Ubers home once we were inebriated.
Then the drama began.
Paige began sobbing.
First from delight, then loneliness, and last from alcohol.
She spam called her ex constantly.
Lost her phone, and then asked that I find it so she could call her ex to pick her up.
Spoiler alert, he never arrived.
Paige refused to go home, even if one of us accompanied her.
So, I tucked her into my bed and told her to rest.
She then asked me to cuddle her, and as I did, she began grinding on me.
I instantly excused myself.
Later, she exited the bedroom, returned to the couch, and began contacting her ex until losing her phone in the blankets.
Then, she vomited on the couch.
When I went to check my room, I discovered that she had also vomited on my bed, which had spread and saturated for about an hour.
Yum.
Paige handled everything with a glassy eyed dismissiveness that some colleagues sought to justify because of her age.
Every blanket in my flat came into contact with vomit.
When she finally woke up over six hours later, I persuaded her to agree to leave.
She ignored the mess she had made.
I snapped and asked her who she thought would clean up all the puke and where she expected me to sleep.
She reluctantly promised to clean my bed and bedding, but she has been putting it off ever since.
The bed was cleaned 2 days later, and she didn’t mind that I had to remain at my partner’s house in the interim.
She hasn’t returned the bedding she promised to dry clean, and she gets offended when I ask for updates without being overly pleasant.
She blamed her behavior on drinking and some colleagues think she’s just young and going through things.
They say I’m being too harsh, but this smacks of entitlement.
I’ve been a drunk girl before, but I’ve always apologized for my faults.
Paige, on the other hand, seemed to believe that my life will continue as usual, even without a bed or blankets.
I am a broke student working in the service business, so none of this is simple for me.
Am I being inconsiderate?
NTA.
Don’t take drunks home anymore.
If she had puked once, she should have been in the restroom.
Unfortunately, you may have to accept the loss and clean everything yourself next time.
I’ve been in your situation.
I cleaned up after a friend and then informed her she wasn’t allowed at my house again since she was intoxicated.
I even put her in the bathtub to sleep it off with a bucket nearby.
Thank God for waterproof mattress covers.
You were not inconsiderate.
You allowed an intoxicated person to stay at your house, throw up everywhere, and did not ask her to leave until she was sober.
You’re correct.
She should go out of her way to make it up to you.
Sure, she’s young and had a rough drinking night.
You don’t want to punish her.
You simply want to be made whole for her actions.
Here’s what you should do.
Politely, but firmly ask her to return your stuff or pay for replacements.
Say anything like this.
Paige, I need my sheets and stuff returned before tomorrow.
If you can’t do that, I’ll need the money to replace them.
You spewed up on every blanket and sleeping surface I own, and I need them cleaned or replaced.
Please send me specified amount or the clean things at the end of the week.
Explain to your co-workers that you are not being harsh or carrying a grudge.
You just cannot afford to cover the cost of ruined products.
Even children realize that their acts have repercussions.
My Mother Wants Rules in My Home That She Never Allowed Me
When I, 27, female, was in college, I met my boyfriend and we moved in together, sharing a place with some friends after dating for a year.
I was 19 when we met and 20 when we moved in together.
We decided from that point onward to take turns spending Christmas with our families.
But the first year we were supposed to see mine, my mom made it clear my boyfriend could not stay, and we weren’t sharing a room or a bed in her house.
My dad argued in favor of letting it happen since I was an adult and living with him already, but mom said no.
She hated that I wouldn’t stay at their house then and instead booked an Airbnb.
She said I should respect the rules of her house and I told her I was.
But I didn’t want to tell my boyfriend to be alone on the holidays and especially when his family had welcomed us together happily.
After that, I made it clear there would be no coming to visit like that if I couldn’t sleep with my boyfriend.
My mom said it wasn’t like we were married, so she had every right to that rule.
Two years ago, my dad died and for 11 months, my mom has been in a relationship with her boyfriend.
They don’t live together exactly, but according to my brother, he was there most nights while he was still there.
My mom and brother aren’t really talking right now.
My brother could hear mom and her boyfriend in bed, and he hated it, so he moved out.
He’s also 22 and had wanted to, but it gave him the push to move.
My mom was furious and demanded to know why he was leaving out of nowhere, and she freaked when my brother told her he was tired of hearing them.
It started mom off on him not being happy for her that she found someone again after dad died.
My mom seems to be missing my brother being around and she told me she misses having her kids around her so she wanted to visit for a week or two soon.
She wanted to bring her boyfriend along and I told her she can’t share a room or a bed with him in my home.
I told her I do not want to hear that.
She got mad at me and said she’s a grown woman and should be allowed her freedom.
I told her she was all right denying it to me and I wasn’t even planning to have sex in her house, but it sounded like she doesn’t care if we hear or not and I’m not dealing with it.
I also told her I wasn’t going to reward her with sharing with her boyfriend when she has been so strict with me about it.
My mom accused me of acting like a petty child.
My Sister-in-Law Demanded Praise for Caring for Her Own Children
My 22F brother, 35, surprised me 6 months ago by planning a trip to Scotland for my birthday.
He knew I’ve never traveled before and wanted to take me to my dream country.
Due to tight finances, it was just the two of us, which I was okay with since at the time him and I were close.
For context, my brother is married and has two kids under six.
His wife, 34F, had said she was happy for me and didn’t mind holding down the fort for a week while we’re on the trip.
Her and I have never been close and quite frankly just tolerate each other for the sake of keeping the peace.
She’s never been a fan of how close my siblings are with each other.
It all comes down to growing up in different family dynamics.
Emo.
Anyway, the trip was amazing and I loved every second of it.
I was on such a high when we came back that I thanked my brother so many times for doing this for me until he told me to shut up.
Lol.
I thought everything was good and we resumed our lives normally.
Imagine my surprise when I get a text 3 days after coming back from my sister-in-law telling me off and calling me rude and ungrateful cuz I didn’t send her a text thanking her for babysitting on her own and having to do everything around her house for a whole week while I had fun with her husband.
Yep, that’s exactly how she worded it.
I was flabbergasted.
This is the same woman who smiled and told me to have fun on my trip, and now she’s berating me for not thanking her for doing me a favor by taking care of her kids for a week.
Am I crazy or is that totally irrational and just weird?
I told her I’m not sure taking care of your own children is babysitting or doing someone else a favor.
And she blew up at me, calling me a terrible, ungrateful brat, and that I never show appreciation for anything.
I was so confused by all of this and called my brother, but he doubled down and told me the trip wouldn’t have been possible had she not volunteered to take care of their kids so we can have fun and that I should be thanking her for doing it for me.
I was and still am confused on why I need to thank a mother for taking care of her own kids.
Anyway, to keep the peace, I told her thanks for doing it, but she decided I wasn’t being sincere and convinced my brother to go low contact with me.
My siblings and my mom were confused by all of this, but kept telling me to just bite my tongue and not stir the pot any further.
But I’m just hurt and confused.
My relationship with my brother has been strained since, and it’s taking a toll on me.
I just need outside opinions cuz I’m genuinely confused on whether or not I’m the in this whole mess.
This is my first time posting, and English is not my first language, so excuse any errors.
Edit: I can’t reply to everyone, so let me clear up a few things I feel I should have included.
They do not share finances.
She has never spent any money on anything related to me.
Also, last year she took a trip with her siblings abroad as well.
And no, I don’t know if her siblings thanked my brother for watching his kids.
Finances were tight as my brother was paying out of his own pocket and wouldn’t have been able to take anyone else with us.
Splum.
This trip was a birthday gift, not a family trip, so no one expected to join.
I did thank them both when I was first told about the trip and I asked my brother if he was sure it was okay for us to go and he assured me we were set and I only needed to have fun.
I later learned that she didn’t contribute anything to the trip and said she wouldn’t have wanted to take a trip with me anyway.
Hope this clears some things up.
Update 5 days later.
Thank you to everyone for the insight on my previous post.
The post kind of blew up in a way I wasn’t expecting and the responses were overwhelming, but I now understand that I did not react correctly to her texts.
This is a long update since a lot has happened.
To clear up a few things before I continue with the update, a lot of you are fixated on the fact that I said finances are tight.
I didn’t mean their overall finances.
They have separate finances and from my understanding they only share finances when it comes to their household and kids.
Anything else they pay from their own pockets and don’t interfere in what they spend their money on as long as the kids are good and household is running smoothly.
So since my brother was paying for this trip on his own, he couldn’t take many people with him as that would put a bigger financial burden on his personal savings.
They’re doing fine financially.
They take family trips once a year.
I did thank them both when I was initially told about the trip.
my sister-in-law later made a snide comment about how this was all my brother and she didn’t contribute to the trip at all.
Last year, my sister-in-law and her siblings went on their own trip while my brother took care of everything and he was fine with it.
My family dynamic is apparently confusing you guys, but we’re five siblings that are very close and hang out regularly and have a close bond with our mom, especially since our dad passed away.
We are from an Asian country and the culture here and the bonds between families are different from the west.
To those who said maybe she’s salty, I’m getting a trip when I’ve never helped them out.
I babysat my sister-in-law’s babies for 5 days a week for months each time her maternity leave ended.
And each time they stop needing me to help out, only my brother thanks me and that’s fine with me.
my sister-in-law has never thanked me or my siblings for anything we do for them.
She says the fact that we’re so eager and willing to drop everything to take care of each other is weird and unhealthy.
I did thank her once I realized I should just keep the peace and tell her what she wanted to hear.
Still, she didn’t accept my thank you after I made the babysitting your own kids comment.
I understand I was an ah for saying that now since a lot of you have pointed out that it was rude and that I’m not a mother and don’t get it.
But to be fair, her texts were full of insults.
She kept doubling down on the fact that she was stuck babysitting because of me.
Many of you asked why I wasn’t offered the ticket and went on my own.
In our culture, women, especially young ones, don’t travel on their own without either a family member or their husbands.
It’s not about control, but more out of protection for us.
So, going on my own wouldn’t have been an option.
On to the update.
Strap in.
This is a long one.
So, I talked with my mom to better understand the situation since many of you said I’m not a mother and don’t get it.
and she said my sister-in-law worded it wrong, but maybe she just wanted gratitude for helping my brother out cuz being a parent isn’t easy.
I understand that I reacted to her messages wrong when I could have just said a simple thank you, but neither I or my mom understand why she was so aggressive towards me in her texts.
The aggression is what made me become so defensive.
I found out from my siblings and my mom that my brother only paid for the tickets and the accommodations and that my eldest brother is the one that provided the pocket money for food and buying stuff on the trip and that my siblings chipped in but didn’t want the credit since my brother wanted this trip to be like a thank you for helping them out so much with their kids over the years and that he had cleared it with his wife and she had given him the go-ahad.
She also told me that he had asked my sister-in-law if she wanted to come with us on the trip and leave their kids with my mom, who was fine with that, but she declined as she and I aren’t close and it would have been weird for the both of us.
My mom told me that my brother actually asked her to check in every day with my sister-in-law to make sure all was well and to see if she needed anything.
She also said my brother asked my sister-in-law’s sisters to check on her as well.
It turns out my sister-in-law had taken the week off of work.
I didn’t know that.
And for four out of the seven days we were in Scotland, she dropped her kids off at my mom’s.
And the other three days when my mom called, my sister-in-law said she had her sisters with her and didn’t need any help.
So what the hell was she so mad about?
It’s clear to me that she wasn’t abandoned by my brother as some of you suggested.
My siblings initially wanted to just keep the peace, but after I showed them my sister-in-law’s text, they were surprised and appalled by her words.
They thought this whole thing was a simple misunderstanding and now understand that it had become bigger and that my brother and I aren’t talking.
My sister decided to investigate and called my brother to understand what happened.
And it turns out my sister-in-law told him that my mom and siblings didn’t check in on her at all, which is a lie.
My sister even dropped off food for them twice.
And that the kids were upset their dad left them and were throwing tantrums all the time.
Also, probably not true, and that this wasn’t what they had agreed on when he told her about the trip months ago.
He was too busy trying to calm my sister-in-law down to confirm with the family whether or not it was true.
My sister then asked him if he’d seen the text his wife had sent me.
And he said he hadn’t, but that my sister-in-law told him she just asked me for a simple thank you for all her hard work and that I blew up at her and told her she didn’t deserve anything since she didn’t pay for the trip and that she was entitled.
He said he was hesitant about believing that since he knows I’d never outright disrespect someone like that, even if I don’t get along with them.
But she insisted that it happened and that she had no reason to lie and as her husband, she needed his support, not his questioning.
And that’s why he sent me the text saying I needed to thank her.
My sister then let my brother know about everything that happened and told him, more like demanded that they apologized to me, which I didn’t think was necessary.
I just wanted my brother to talk to me again.
And he sounded upset and told her he’ll figure this out after talking to his wife.
Spoiler alert, it didn’t go well.
my sister-in-law and my brother had a massive fight and he demanded to know why she lied and caused so much drama and she broke down and told him that he was too close to me and my siblings and that she hated how the whole family babyed me.
I’m the youngest.
and that his siblings relationship with each other made her uncomfortable and she just wanted him to put a little distance between himself and us because her family isn’t as close to each other and kept telling her our close dynamic is weird and toxic.
He told her her behavior is unacceptable and that she caused a rift between not only him and I but also him and the rest of his siblings as well because now they’re mad at him.
My brother did call me and he apologized for doubling down on what his wife said.
He said it was already tense in their house and he was just trying to keep the peace and be supportive, but he shouldn’t have treated me this way.
When deep down he knew I wasn’t at fault, he also let me know that for the time being, my sister-in-law will go NC with my siblings and I while they go to marriage counseling and my sister-in-law goes to therapy because her behavior wasn’t normal.
He sounded exhausted and defeated and I just told him we’re all here for him if he needs us.
He made it clear that the NC is only for my sister-in-law and assured me he won’t limit his contact with me and apologized for doing so without even talking to me first.
I asked him if he’d like me to reach out to her and apologize for what I said and give her a sincere thank you, but he said no.
That it was never about the gratitude to begin with and that it’s apparently a bigger issue between them that they need to figure out on their own.
That we shouldn’t contact my sister-in-law unless she reaches out first as she doesn’t want to have any contact with us.
He also apologized for her language with me on the text, but I told him not to worry about it.
Safe to say my sister-in-law’s relationship with us is never going to be the same again after this.
And to be honest, I wasn’t the biggest fan of hers.
But I was civil and polite to her in the past cuz my brother loves her and we’ve never had any issues prior to this.
I do feel really guilty that all this happened because of the trip planned for me, but my siblings keep telling me it’s not my fault.
My mom says I should have just thanked my sister-in-law and kept the peace instead of having this all blow up so much, but my siblings told her that even if I had apologized, it wouldn’t have mattered as my sister-in-law would have found something else to cause a problem.
But they also told me what a lot of you had mentioned in the comments, that saying thank you was the polite thing to do, and that taking care of kids full-time is not the same as babysitting them for a few hours, and it would have been good to tell her she’s appreciated.
But they understand that I don’t have the understanding of what it means to be a parent, and that having someone basically verbally attack me wouldn’t have made me reciprocate with kindness.
And I get it.
I was ignorant about it, and I acknowledge that.
There are a lot more details, but that’s the gist of it.
brother and my sister-in-law’s marriage is strained and so is his relationship with us, but I hope that everything works out okay.
I really love my brother and hate seeing him so defeated.
Part of me wishes we never went on that trip because all this drama is draining.
To clarify something, the only reason I was questioning the whole I babysat my kids is a favor to you is because I always see people criticizing fathers who say that and calling them out because kids are the parents responsibility and not a chore or a favor for anyone.
I thought this applied to both mothers and fathers, but perhaps I was mistaken because my only point of reference on this topic is what I see on the internet is I’m not a mom.
And since a lot of you have said I’m the ah and that she deserved a thank you and a gift.
I messed up the thank you part, but I did buy her a magnet for their fridge since she likes to collect them.
I went a little crazy and brought back little souvenirs for myself and everyone else as well.
And it would have been weird and rude to give her kids gifts and not her.
So, I got every single family member a small Scottish themed present.
I was excited about being in Scotland, lol.
Thank you all for your insights and advice.
I really appreciate it whether you thought I was or wasn’t the ah.
All your opinions put things into perspective for me.
Some comments were outright nasty though and I didn’t think name calling was productive or necessary.
But oh well that’s the internet.
Also, if you saw the OG post on some podcast sub, it’s because my friend saw my post and told me to post it there cuz she’s a fan of them and thinks the podcasters would be entertained by it.
I wasn’t seeking out validation from a different sub.
She was just excited by the idea that her favorite podcast might read out a post about someone she knows.
She’s weird, but I love her, so I did it.
That’s all.
My Fiancée Used My Childhood Trauma to Win a Game
Original post.
I don’t even know how to type this or explain my thoughts right now, so I apologize if I seem scattered.
I, 31, male, have been engaged to my fianceé, 29, female, Hannah, for the past 3 months together for 2 years.
She has been the only relationship where I felt safe enough to open up and discuss my past trauma.
Many nights I have cried into her arms and she has been there to comfort me.
She goes to therapy with me and has been a rock in our relationship.
I have been getting much better since I have really opened up about it and have been able to live a better and liberating life the past 2 years until last Saturday.
Hannah is ultra competitive not just in sports but in life.
She will do whatever it takes to win and be first.
She has lost friendships, family relationships, jobs, and money.
She understands this and has been trying to get better by going to therapy, stating she doesn’t know why she is like this.
She seemed to cool down over the summer, but she is still very competitive.
Even her parents have such an idea because they were not athletes and have never pushed her to be.
And her siblings are confused when this all started.
I was a former college athlete and yes, I am competitive, but not so much anymore.
And recently, my friend group has begun a monthly game night.
I was on a four-month win streak.
We played board games, old video games, painting, basketball, and even football, and it was all in good fun.
But Hannah last month was so angry she did not win, she walked home and did not want to talk to me for at least 2 days.
Before we left for game night, I asked her to please have fun, and it doesn’t matter who wins.
She promised she would try.
As game night came to an end, Hannah and I were tied with one more event.
Rules are, if it is man versus woman, the lady chooses the final game.
She selected N64 Mario Kart.
I am the king of that game.
I never lose.
I asked her if she really wanted to do that and called me a chicken and said she would beat me at my own game.
I should have backed off, but I caved and we raced.
Now, common knowledge is let her win.
And trust me, I thought about it, but she gets really angry if she thinks you let her win.
Her attitude is way worse then.
As we started racing, it was a tight race.
She kept hitting the banana peels, but she kept catching up.
The last lap she started trying to distract me by saying he snores when he sleeps.
Basic middle school insults.
Then she tried bumping me to distract me, but I was locked in.
I responded back, “At least I don’t keep hitting the banana love.
Very simple and fun.”
We are in the final leg of the race, and that’s when she snapped.
At least I didn’t get saved by my own family.
I froze up and dropped the controller, and she passed me and won.
She was jumping up and down with joy, screaming and dancing that she finally won.
From what my friends told me later that she kept that up for a good while until she saw my face.
And that’s when she stopped.
My friends were in complete shock asking me if that was true.
I could not speak.
I couldn’t breathe and was fighting back all the inner demons I had swirling in my head.
I simply got up and wished them a good night and started walking.
I was in a trance.
I didn’t know where I was walking to.
Hannah tried calling and texting asking where I was, begging for me to call and come home.
Kept saying she is sorry.
just wanted to win so badly and don’t know why I said that.
I simply needed space and I told her to please stop calling me.
I don’t know what to do.
I love this girl and trusted her.
But use that trust to win a effing video game.
My friends are asking me about my past and won’t leave me alone.
I guess all I am asking is there any way back from this or is this the end?
Do I dump her or try and work this out?
Any advice would be very helpful.
TLDDR fiance used my childhood trauma to win a video game.
Top comments.
Comment one.
Man, she got serious issues.
In my eyes, there is no coming back from this.
How could you ever trust her again?
Comment two, dude.
Right.
Like, what’s to say she won’t do it again and blame her competitive personality for it?
Comment three, she used your biggest, deepest wound, one that she only knew about because you trusted her to win a dumb game.
She exposed your biggest, deepest wound to other people without your consent.
There is no coming back from this.
You shouldn’t want to come back from this.
How will you ever be able to trust her with anything again?
She has shown you who she truly is.
You deserve better.
I am very sorry you had this experience.
I hope you are okay.
Edit: I want to thank everyone for their comments and DMs.
I have been reading all of them for the past 3 hours.
I guess I knew this was the end of this relationship, but after spending 2 years with someone and had strong feelings and trust, I wanted to see if a majority of people could see something else that I didn’t that could save it.
And reading the comments, I guess I overlooked those massive red flags that Hannah had.
I decided to sit down with my friend group tonight and tell them my past.
It will be difficult and will text Hannah tonight and meet with her tomorrow.
I will update tomorrow after that conversation.
OP updated same post to our notch January 10th, 2025, 2 days later.
Update.
Hey all, I want to thank everyone again for all the support.
It helped me clear up my head and really reflect on the past few months with Hannah and finally see the red flags I ignored or didn’t press hard enough on.
First of all, I need to get this off my chest.
From ages 11 through 13, I was essay by my aunt.
She would come over to babysit and she would do the deeds and have me do stuff to her.
She would threaten me if I ever spoke out.
I tried to tell my parents if she could not babysit, but my mother told me that her sister absolutely loves you and wants to spend time with you since she can’t have children.
If it wasn’t for my dad forgetting his wallet one night, I believe she wouldn’t have been caught.
My mom went mental and did not believe any of it and went on the campaign tour around town saying she is 100% innocent and I am just confused.
My dad went into the bottle and tried to enter the shadow realm because he couldn’t forgive himself for missing the signs.
My mom then threatened me to make an announcement that her sister is not a predator and then attacked me.
My dad divorced my mom and she and my aunt moved elsewhere.
All these years later, she truly believes her sister didn’t do the deeds.
My dad and I are okay.
He does not want to be around me much because of the guilt.
Second, I met with my friends and told them my story and they all apologized and promised to help protect me in the future with relationships.
They told me what happened after the event.
Hannah was trying to defend herself by claiming I didn’t mean to say it.
He took it the wrong way.
I just needed to win this.
I love him and didn’t mean it.
She has been calling all of them begging for them to please help her win me back and she will do whatever it takes and see anyone to help her with her condition.
Meeting today with Hannah.
My friends invited her over and would sit in the other room while we talked.
Hannah was unhinged and came flying into the house trying to hug me, but my friends held her back and told her to just sit.
I asked her why she said what she said.
Hannah, I don’t know.
I just needed to win so badly.
I followed up with why she needed to win this one.
Hannah, because it was your best game and I don’t know, I just needed to win.
I again asked why she needed to win.
What was the importance of winning Hannah through her tears?
I don’t know, I needed to win.
She kept repeating the same line over and over.
So, I asked if she had planned on using my trauma against me and if that is why she chose Mario Kart.
I have never seen someone go white so fast.
Hannah just looked at me and put her hands in her face and blurted out, “I can’t stand not winning and I knew you would get distracted and I could win and finally feel great because these past four months I’ve been so depressed from feeling like a loser and knew I could win with this plan.”
I was in shock and couldn’t believe she said that.
I realized that some of the commenters were right.
She had this planned.
I am still trying to gain control of my thoughts on this one.
You had this planned?
I asked Hannah.
Yes.
I didn’t think about what would happen after.
And when I saw your face, I knew I messed up.
Please, I want to get help and will do anything.
Please don’t end this.
I asked if this was another competition in her head to win me back.
No, I mean, in a way, yes, but not like that.
So, if you win me back, you’ll feel better that you won.
I told her I can’t trust her anymore.
What if we had kids?
Will you see them as competition?
If your friends are being flirted with, will you try and get more attention for the win?
What if I am simply doing something and you blurt that out again to win?
She had to be escorted out by my friends and was told by one of them I should get a restraining order because her mentality of losing you may break her mind and do whatever it takes to win me back.
So again, thank you everyone for all the comments.
I am going to get more help and take a break from dating until I find someone who I can trust 100%.
And now my friends will be on extra guard for any Hannah sightings and future dating red flags.
My Family Tried to Take My Dream Trip, but I Went Anyway
My 19th birthday was two weeks ago, and I’m still reeling from what happened.
My grandparents, bless their hearts, gifted me a trip to Rome, complete with plane tickets and a substantial expense check.
They handed me a beautiful envelope with the tickets, and I almost burst into tears.
Rome, the place I had wanted to visit since I was a child, was finally within reach.
But then my folks stepped in.
They decided the trip would be more appropriate for my older sister Olivia.
She’s 23, the golden child who can’t do anything wrong.
Apparently, since she is studying architecture, Rome would be an excellent opportunity for her to visit all of the famous buildings.
I tried to reason with them.
I plan to major in history, and Rome is historically significant.
Furthermore, Olivia had the same opportunity when she turned 18.
My grandparents had given her the same trip, but she accepted the money instead.
Now it was my turn, and I wasn’t going to give up.
But the airline won’t let us transfer the tickets, I told them.
It’s against their policy.
My parents dismissed it as a small annoyance that might be easily resolved.
Don’t worry about that, Chloe.
They said, “We’ll figure it out.” ”
Figure it out.”
Ended up wearing me down.
The disputes lasted for days.
They began with Olivia needs this for her resume.
Then moved on to you have plenty of time to travel later and eventually nailed me with we don’t want this opportunity to go to waste.
That last one hurt as if they were implying I wouldn’t enjoy it as much as Olivia would.
I eventually broke down, not because I wanted to, but because I couldn’t take the struggle any longer.
I told them they could do whatever they pleased with the tickets.
At least I still had my check, which was a tiny consolation.
I was used to being the less popular child.
It came with benefits such as low expectations and a good dose of cynicism.
But here’s the kicker.
They were able to get the ticket moved.
I’m not sure how given that the airlines policy was rather clear, but they did.
Olivia grabbed my boarding pass yesterday, the day I was due to fly to Rome.
A few hours later, we received a call from the police.
Olivia had been in an accident on her way to the airport.
She had grabbed the taxi driver’s steering wheel, believing he was driving the wrong way.
Yeah.
She assumed she understood more than the person who drives for a living.
The automobile crashed.
Olivia escaped with a few scratches, but the cab driver was not so fortunate.
He ended up with a fractured arm and a nasty gash on his forehead while pressing charges.
My folks were freaking out.
They would have to use their funds to settle with the driver and keep Olivia out of court.
When I learned the news, I snapped.
This is karma, I blurted.
This is what you get for stealing my trip.
It wasn’t the most sensitive thing to say, but I hadn’t been thinking straight.
My folks were horrified.
Chloe, how could you say that?
Your sister could have been killed.
I tried to apologize, but the harm was already done.
They accused me of being selfish and inconsiderate along with other common allegations.
It was infuriating.
They were the selfish ones taking my ideal trip to cater to Olivia.
That’s when I realized, why was I putting up with this?
Why was I sacrificing my happiness for a family who did not appreciate me?
Screw it, I thought.
If they’re going to dislike me, I might as well give them a valid cause.
I got a taxi and went to the hospital.
On the way, I made a decision.
I would not let them win.
I had my grandparents check, my passport, and a strong desire to take charge of my life.
At the hospital, I discovered my parents and Olivia on the same floor as the injured taxi driver.
Olivia was still trying to convince the cops that the accident was not her fault.
I didn’t care.
I walked up to her and requested the boarding permit.
She looked at me as if I was insane.
So, I reached into her purse and took it myself.
Then, I ran as if a band of wolves were chasing me.
I rushed into a cab and instructed the driver to take me to the airport.
I made it barely in time.
I boarded the plane, heart racing, and did not look back.
I did not check my phone till I arrived in Rome.
My family was losing their minds as one could imagine.
My parents left a series of messages calling me every name in the book.
They claimed I was callous, that I should have been there for Olivia, and that I was ashamed of the family.
Olivia sent even harsher messages.
She accused me of stealing her trip, being envious, and destroying her life.
Apparently, my parents were going to have to spend all of their savings to pay off the taxi driver, and it was all my fault.
Yeah, right.
as if it wasn’t her fault to seize the steering wheel in the first place.
The shame nodded at me for a while.
Perhaps I should have remained.
Perhaps I should have apologized.
But then I remembered all those years of being disregarded and treated as second best.
I remember how they looked at me when they said they didn’t want the vacation to be a waste.
Number I deserved it.
I deserve to do something for myself to prioritize my needs.
And Rome, it exceeded all of my expectations.
The history, the art, the food, it was all magical.
I spent my days exploring ancient ruins, admiring artworks, and eating my weight in spaghetti.
I felt completely free for the first time in my life.
I wasn’t Chloe, the overlooked daughter.
I was just Chloe, and it felt great.
After a few wonderful days in Rome, I finally mustered the confidence to phone my grandparents.
I told them everything.
Years of favoritism, disputes about the trip, the accident, and the escape.
I poured out my emotions.
tears flowing down my cheeks.
They were stunned.
They had no idea how horribly my parents had mistreated me.
They were angry, upset, and above all concerned.
My grandmother said, “Chloe, you did the right thing.”
Her voice full with emotion.
You deserve to be happy.
You deserve to be loved.
They invited me to come live with them when I returned.
They assured me that they would take care of me and that I did not need to worry about anything.
For the first time in my life, I felt really seen and understood.
When I returned from Rome, I went directly to their residence.
They had already moved all of my belongings out of my parents’ home.
The guest room was ready for me with clean linens and a vase of my favorite flowers on the nightstand.
It felt like coming home.
My grandparents told me that they had challenged my parents.
They had put it all out and expressed their disappointment with their behavior.
My parents unsurprisingly disputed everything.
They claimed I was exaggerating and that I was simply jealous of Olivia.
They even had the audacity to claim I was selfish for abandoning them amid a family crisis.
But my grandparents saw straight through them.
They severed relations with my parents and stated that they had no more desire to interact with them.
It was a terrible decision, but they knew it was the correct one.
I haven’t communicated with my parents or Olivia since.
I blocked their phone numbers and removed their texts.
I don’t need that much negativity in my life.
Life with my grandparents is calm.
They treat me with love and respect.
They urge me to follow my aspirations.
They make me feel like I belong.
I’m entering college in the fall and my grandparents are covering all of my expenses, including tuition, books, and a new laptop.
They claim they want to give me the possibilities I’ve been denied for so long.
I still think about my parents.
I wonder whether they regret what they did and if they ever think about me.
But then I remember the freedom and love I now have in my life.
and I realize I made the correct decision.
I’m finally free.
Free of expectations, comparisons, and the continual sense of not being good enough.
I’m free to be myself and pursue my own path, which I understand is the best gift of all.
It has been a couple years since I left my parents’ place.
I’m thriving in college, making new friends, and pursuing new interests.
My grandparents are my rock and biggest supports.
They’re getting older, yet they’re still full of energy and love.
I heard through the grapevine that my folks are struggling.
They had to reorggage their home to pay for the taxi driver’s lawsuit.
Olivia is working, but her salary is insufficient to cover their expenses.
They are caught in a cycle of debt and resentment.
I do not feel sorry for them.
They made their decisions and now they must live with the consequences.
I’m moving forward.
I’m embracing my new life and family.
I’m finally living the life I was destined to live and it’s stunning.
My Brother-in-Law Became Controlling After I Started Dating
I’m Maya, 17F. My sister Claire, 25 F, and her husband Daniel, 34M, have been married for 2 years.
They met when she first started college and have been together ever since.
As far as I know, they’ve never had an issue, and whenever they came around to visit, they appeared to have the perfect connection.
My parents never really made the best decisions in life, so my sister practically raised me herself.
I’m quite grateful to her for this, and I know she had to make numerous sacrifices to be able to do so.
When she was in college, I called her at least three times a week to check in and see how she was doing.
She’d chat about school, job, and her plans.
Then she’d talk about Daniel.
She described him so well that it raised my own expectations of love.
For example, she’d tell me about all the flowers she received, the lovely dates she went on, and how he treated her so well.
After living with my parents, who should have divorced a long time ago, I didn’t have a clear idea of what a good partnership looked like.
So, I became fairly close to Claire and Daniel.
Growing up, my sister and I were always together.
So, when mother introduced me to Daniel, it felt like I had finally found an elder brother.
Claire and Daniel eventually moved in together, became engaged, and are now married.
My parents kicked me out because I refused to pay the rent.
I work at a luxury horse ranch and there are a few perks.
They’ll let you practice on their horses.
They give free lessons with a riding instructor.
And overall, I just adore my job.
I did not want to leave it.
However, my pay isn’t great, and for the amount my parents were asking for, I’d have to have a second job or quit to find one that pays well.
So, I found myself living with Claire and Daniel.
Daniel works from home, so unless he’s out with Claire or at the gym, he’s at home.
He makes enough money doing whatever he does, I’m not sure what he does, but Claire told me it’s his family’s firm, so that explains it.
Recently, they approached me and informed me that they were expecting.
Obviously, I was really excited for them, but my sister had a few miscarriages in the past, so we had to be extra cautious with her.
Even in its early stages, my sister’s pregnancy has proven to be extremely difficult, making it high risk.
Hopefully, this is enough to give you a good picture of what’s happening.
My parents had an old automobile that I was allowed to drive to job and school, but once I was kicked out, I couldn’t use it.
This was disappointing because I had always enjoyed the independence that having a car provided, but whatever, I’ll get over it.
Daniel insisted on taking me to school in the morning and then driving me to and from work.
I was incredibly glad for this because it saved me from having to take the bus or walk.
Daniel would return home from the gym, shower, grab me a Starbucks, and drop me off at school.
In the afternoon, he would pick me up at school and drive me to work.
Daniel was generally waiting outside or on his way by the conclusion of my shift.
It was a huge assistance, and I was grateful that he took so much time out of his day to assist me.
In the drive, we’d wind up conversing and having chats about Claire or the baby’s plans, but he was often asking if I was dating or had a crush on somebody.
He’d wink and say things like, “You’re so stunning.
It’s impossible.
There must be something you’re hiding from me.
Come on, tell me.
You know, I can keep a secret, so tell me.
I mean, there was a guy.
I will give him that.
But it was too early to discuss.
This resulted in my being unclear because I didn’t want to lie to him.
I’d basically just play koi and avoid answering any of his queries with too detailed an answer, as I didn’t want to jinx myself.
Finally, Ethan, 19 million, the boy I was talking to, asked me out on a date.
His family owned the ranch where I worked, so we spent a lot of time together while I was at work.
Usually during my shifts, he would come and assist me, or we’d go riding together.
I was quite excited, and on my way home from work, I told Daniel about it.
He suddenly became cold.
I’m not sure how else to explain it, but the familial warmth was gone.
He began asking a lot of questions, very matter-of-actly, and I responded because I assumed it was just the protective older sibling thing.
I figured he’d need some time to adjust.
But when I informed him that Ethan and I had been chatting for about a month, he freaked out and became very upset, I burst into tears as he began calling me a liar and accusing me of concealing this information from him.
The fact that he literally said,”What about us?”
has stuck with me ever since.
That has left me completely perplexed because what does he even mean?
The worst part is that because of how he acted, I’m overthinking everything that has happened since I moved in with them.
Daniel’s house had a pool in the backyard, and I used to go there to swim or just lie out and tan.
However, I’ve realized that whenever I went for a swim or tried to sunbathe, Daniel would find an excuse to come and do anything outside.
He’d fire up the grill, mow the lawn, or do anything else around the yard.
I would have the impression that I was being observed.
He even started swimming with me a few times, but I assumed he was simply trying to get in shape like me.
After I came out of the pool, I’d go take a shower in the corridor.
Daniel and Claire have their own bathroom, which is connected to the master bedroom.
After I finished my shower, I went to my room, changed, and went to bed.
Daniel would sometimes wait for me in the little space between the corridor and my room, even if I was only wearing a towel.
He would say, “Good night,” and I would respond.
But now, I’m wondering whether there was another motive behind it.
I don’t want to bring these worries up with my sister because she’s been so delicate lately.
This pregnancy is definitely hitting her hard and I don’t want to say anything because it could harm her or the kid.
I just want to know if I’m overthinking things.
More information.
I didn’t even contemplate the possibility that my sister would support him over mine.
But after reading everything in the comments, I think I should start gathering evidence.
Also, I will do my best to change the relationship between him and me without raising red flags.
I’m more than prepared to inform my sister if I believe there is an urgent danger.
But as I previously stated, I don’t believe he is the type of guy who poses an actual concern.
To be cautious, I’d rather wait till she’s feeling better before trying to break the news to her.
I want to be cautious since my sister could be gravely hurt, not just emotionally, but also due to pregnancy dangers.
I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt, but the way he flew off the handle was terrifying.
I believe he’s simply been under too much stress.
My sister’s pregnancy is actually high risk, so he’s had to care for her far more than usual.
He’s probably just afraid about what will happen to her.
However, even if I give him the benefit of the doubt, I should set certain boundaries.
When he had that outburst, it truly worried me and I felt unsafe.
I know I’ll never be able to physically overcome him, so I’m going to ask a few of my friends if they’d want a carpool with me.
I will also contact Ethan to see if he can give me a lift to and from work.
Worst case scenario, I’ll locate a job I can walk to.
In the meantime, I’ll absolutely strive to highlight my brotherly relationship with him.
I’m going to be friendly since I don’t feel compelled to be nasty or create an aggressive environment.
Aside from that, I’ll take steps to see if I can improve my circumstances.
Is my sister’s spouse acting strangely, or am I overthinking?
First and foremost, I’d like to thank everyone who left a comment on my last post with suggestions.
After reading all of the comments last night, I recognize that I am no longer secure in this environment and will make changes starting today.
As much as I admire and love Daniel, I don’t believe the danger is worthwhile.
I attempted to establish a conversation with him after posting and received some suggestions simply to see if we could discuss this, but he was still in a nasty attitude.
So, I simply walked to my room.
In the middle of the night, I felt the need to leave the house.
I was feeling imprisoned, so I decided to take a trip to my usual smoking area to clear my mind.
I wasn’t even there for 15 minutes before Daniel texted me, “Where are you?”
Then my phone started blowing up.
He kept calling.
I’m not sure how to convey my fear.
I just wanted to be left alone.
I eventually took up the phone, which resulted in a storm of insults.
Apparently, I am a effing princess who always gets her way and deserve to be treated like the expletive I am.
Then he told me to provide him my location, which was definitely not going to happen.
I encouraged him to take a pause and reflect on what he had just said to me.
After that, I contacted Ethan, who happily answered, and I told everything to him.
I’m not sure how much he comprehended at first, given that I was practically shaking and crying so hard.
However, he ended up going over to my location and asking a few more questions about the scenario while attempting to calm me down.
I was finally able to relax and tell him everything again, this time with a clearer mind.
Throughout this, my phone was constantly ringing.
Assuming it was Daniel, I just let the calls continue.
Eventually, I realized it was my sister’s phone calling me.
Despite the fact that I knew Daniel may be on the other end, I answered the phone.
Daniel was the one who hurled another barrage of invective at me loud enough for Ethan to hear.
Ethan took the phone from my hand, ordered Daniel to shut the fussen up, and that I was safe, and then hung up.
After that, Ethan assured me that everything would be fine and that I need not worry.
He ended up taking me all the way to the ranch and informing his folks about what had transpired and my new circumstances.
I’m grateful that they decided to take me in and let me stay in one of their spare rooms in exchange for a little additional work on the farm.
After that, I cuddled with Ethan and attempted to fall asleep.
I ended up not going to school today since I needed to relax.
However, after Daniel’s reaction and the comments I’d been reading entered my mind, I became quite concerned about my sister.
I ended up contacting her and happily she answered.
It was clear she had been crying.
She inquired if I was safe and okay.
Claire told me that the night before she awoke to Daniel yelling, which shocked her.
She claimed to be still sleeping.
She ended up hearing him return to their room and grab her phone off the charger.
After that, she heard him ranting again and the front door slamming.
Daniel had apparently gone out to seek for me, carrying my sister’s phone with him.
She stated she had no idea what to do and was afraid he might actually hurt me.
After approximately an hour, Daniel returned home.
He was clearly still in a terrible mood because when she questioned where he had been and what had happened, he blew up at her for questioning him.
She said she’d never seen him so angry before.
He was literally destroying stuff.
After a few minutes, he returned to his car and drove away, but fortunately, he left her phone on the counter.
She checked the phone logs and saw every call he had made to me.
While Daniel was gone, she called a friend to pick her up and then tried to contact me.
I was sleeping at the time, but she told me she was afraid Daniel had discovered me.
She apologized for not being able to protect me and for failing to notice what was happening.
Claire wondered why I hadn’t told her about Daniel’s actions.
I emphasized that I did not want to worry her out about the pregnancy.
We both ended up crying for a long time.
Apparently, my parents are allowing her to return home rentree since they want to help raise their grandchild.
If this had been an option in the beginning, none of this would have occurred.
But I digress.
My sister and I ended up going out to dinner and I showed her my post.
We cried again.
She said me she had never been afraid of Daniel before, but after witnessing his rage the night before, she was terrified.
We both still need to go back to the house to grab our things.
We’ll contact you eventually and set a day to transfer everything out.
My father and Ethan will also be present just in case Daniel tries anything.
According to my sister, Daniel has tried to reach out and apologize numerous times, claiming that he was only concerned about my safety and that I shouldn’t be out at night.
He didn’t realize she could hear exactly what he was yelling at me, so she knows he’s lying.
Claire informed Daniel that she would be filing for divorce and then hung up.
I love my sister and wish her the best in life.
I am confident she will heal from this and meet an incredible partner who loves her and only her.
In other news, Ethan and I are going on a date next week, which makes me quite happy.
But seriously, thank you to the Reddit commentators for making me so stressed out that I wanted to take a smoke break.
I believe you may have saved me.
I’m not sure what would have happened if I’d stayed in my room that night, but I’m glad I didn’t have to find out.
My Sister-in-Law Asked for a Spare Key, Then Mine Disappeared
I recently married my boyfriend of 6 years.
We are both 27.
While co has set our careers back a little, we are figuring it out together.
My husband is not particularly close to his family.
He never said why he isn’t close to them, but based on what I’ve gathered, my husband and sister-in-law have some issues.
These concerns compelled the in-laws to choose sides.
My spouse hasn’t been close to them since they sided with my sister-in-law.
To be honest, it didn’t disturb me too much.
However, because I come from a large family, my spouse was frequently invited to our family gatherings because we had been together so long.
Following these incidents, I noticed my spouse becoming silent, melancholy, and dejected.
When we tried to talk about it, he never truly opened up.
He just told me he wishes he had a better family.
I recognized that he desired a closer or better relationship with his family.
However, I didn’t want to do anything without his approval.
When I volunteered to contact his family on his behalf, he said he didn’t want to do anything yet.
He kept saying that there would be a better moment, but I had no idea when that would be.
At one time, I was certain it would happen at our wedding.
However, we married in a small ceremony attended by only our closest friends and family.
He had not invited anyone from his side.
However, I did meet his parents and my sister-in-law.
While our wedding ceremony was going on, his parents and sister attempted to enter the site, which my husband had clearly cautioned them against.
When they were successful in entering the premises, they made a big deal out of it, casting my husband as the bad guy for never responding to messages, picking up calls, or visiting my mother-in-law when she was battling cancer.
My husband firmly instructed them to leave, indicating they were not welcome.
My sister-in-law stood in the corner, watching everything happen.
When her eyes met mine, she offered me a little shrug as if to say, “What else are we supposed to do?”
Once they were booted out, the wedding went off without a hitch.
Following that, we were content to get married despite the odds.
When we were on our way to our honeymoon, I received a friend request notification on my phone.
It came from my sister-in-law.
It seemed odd, but I didn’t mind because we were family.
I added her, then forgot about it.
When we returned from our honeymoon, my husband and I were joyfully settling into our new home and married life.
That’s when my sister-in-law returned to my life.
She messaged me stating she knew I came from a large family and understood the value of family, which she claimed my husband did not.
She expressed her gratitude for my assistance in reuniting the family.
She also discussed in detail how my husband could be a bit juvenile, but promised me that if we worked together, we would be able to fix everything quickly.
I was naive and believed her.
We began talking more or less regularly.
She even came over to our house once or twice while my husband was away because she wanted to meet me.
Because I worked from home and had health difficulties, I couldn’t entirely avoid her.
During one of these visits, my sister-in-law requested a copy of the keys to our house.
This was an odd request.
When I questioned why she wanted them, she stated she was concerned about me because I was at home all day working.
She stated that if something occurred to me while my husband was gone, having a key would allow her to enter and assist me.
Although I understood her argument in the context of a medical emergency, something about her request seemed odd.
Her statements made me feel uneasy, but I couldn’t understand why.
I gently declined and promised her that if anything happened, I’d call my husband.
However, my sister-in-law did not appear pleased with my refusal.
She quickly ended the conversation and departed.
Although she was smiling, it didn’t reach her eyes, which worried me even more.
Following the incident, I stopped inviting her over.
Every time she wanted to visit, I would make excuses to keep her away from the house.
But one day, my justifications were ineffective, and she came over anyhow.
I was on high alert the entire time she was present.
When she eventually departed after lingering for tea, I felt relieved, but not for long.
A few days later, I couldn’t find my house keys in the customary location.
Panic ensued instantly.
I decided to go to my sister-in-law’s apartment to get them.
In one of our early talks, she provided her address and invited me to tea.
I couldn’t go since I was ill, but I knew the spot.
As soon as my husband arrived home, I jumped into my car and drove to her place.
I knocked on the door and a man answered.
I inquired if I might talk with my sister-in-law.
The man respectfully informed me that nobody by her name lived there.
I stated that she had given me this address and even showed him her picture.
He glanced at it and stated that my sister-in-law did not live there and that I must have entered the wrong address.
This seemed really suspicious.
I casually messaged her and asked for her address again.
She replied with the same address as before.
By this point, I was absolutely panicked.
I arrived home trying to act normal, but I could tell I was nervous.
My husband realized right away that something was arai.
He has been trying to ask me what is wrong and what has happened for the past 2 days, but I have no idea how to explain the issue to him.
I don’t want him to be disappointed in me, but I realize I should inform him.
I kept wondering if it was my fault for initiating the entire conversation with my sister-in-law.
If I hadn’t done it, I would not have lost the keys in this manner.
But I really wanted to help.
I know I should inform my husband about the entire scenario.
I read what you stated, and I agree that I was terribly stupid to keep things from him.
I should have told him about it.
Anyhow, I understand why some of you are dubbing me the evil guy in this circumstance.
And I also understand those who believe I am not fully to blame.
Whatever happens, I’ll do the right thing tonight and tell him everything.
Do not fear.
I will keep you updated.
Regardless, I appreciate you being sincere and pointing out my mistakes.
So, the conversation went better than anticipated.
When my husband arrived home from work, I told him I had something to discuss with him.
He appeared relieved.
When we were both comfortable, I told him everything.
I described how his sister-in-law messaged me after our honeymoon, telling me that I could mend the family by remaining in touch with her and gradually reintroducing her and his parents into his life.
I told him I didn’t mean to hide anything or go against him, but I was afraid he’d stop me from doing anything.
Since he was always refusing to tell me what was wrong with his family, I decided to try to heal the relationship myself.
He listened to what I said without interrupting.
When I was finished, my husband expressed his disappointment in me for keeping this from him for so long.
He claimed I should have asked him what the problem was and he would have told me everything now that we’re married.
He added that he didn’t feel comfortable informing me before we got married since he didn’t know when his family would try to turn my heart against him.
When I told him I couldn’t follow, he gave me all the facts.
My father-in-law is a very egotistical and abusive man.
He has always been like this, caring just about himself.
My sister-in-law acquired this feature from him.
She is a narcissistic yet charming lady who appears to be a very empathetic and sincere human being.
However, in truth, she is selfish.
My husband became aware of the hazardous atmosphere as soon as he matured enough to notice it.
My mother-in-law and father-in-law both refused to divorce one another because they did not want to go through the inconvenience of court proceedings.
When my sister-in-law’s behavior got her into trouble at school, my mother-in-law exacerbated the situation by enabling her.
Over time, my sister-in-law became more confrontational, harsh, and disrespectful.
When she started college, she had a heated dispute with my mother-in-law and father-in-law.
They were paying for her college tuition, but she was dissatisfied since they were also saving money for my husband’s schooling rather than giving it all to her as pocket money.
At first, my father-in-law and mother-in-law refused to give my sister-in-law any more money because she already had plenty.
But then my sister-in-law pointed out that my husband could just work his way through university as my father-in-law had done, especially since he was a guy.
She said that she was far too fragile to perform such work alone.
Following that, my husband’s education fund began to diminish.
He was not aware of this.
All he knew was that there was money set aside for him.
When it came time for admissions, he learned the truth.
When my sister-in-law encouraged him to just work his way through college, my husband chose to avoid touch with them.
He began going no contact when he moved out at 19, but the decision had become permanent by the time he was 23.
Hearing all of this made me realize how silly I was to invite my sister-in-law into our home.
My husband also said that his mother had repeatedly contacted him over the years to ask for money despite the fact that my sister-in-law appeared to be wealthy.
Later, he discovered from their relative that my sister-in-law was doing drugs.
While she did not appear to have a drug problem, she had struggled with substance misuse for some time.
That’s when I realized what had happened with the lost keys.
My spouse quickly instructed me to call a locksmith and have the locks changed as soon as possible.
He was concerned about when or if my sister-in-law will try to enter our home.
I immediately disabled my sister-in-law’s contact information and social media sites, preventing her from contacting me.
We had the locks replaced, and as I said in my previous report, I felt a lot better after that.
As my job responsibilities changed, I had to return to the office to work on Wednesdays and Fridays.
When I got home one Friday, I noticed that my spouse had already arrived.
It turns out that our neighbor, a nice old lady, was outdoors in her garden when she observed a suspicious young woman attempting to enter our home.
The woman’s description was exactly like my sister-in-law.
The neighbor phoned the cops and they apprehended her.
My husband has decided not to prosecute charges, but he will apply for a restraining order to safeguard our safety.
Looking back, I understand how naive I was in trusting others so easily.
While my objective was to aid my husband, I now realize that my actions were presumptuous.
If you care so much about your husband’s well-being, why don’t you tell him everything rather than keeping things from him?
I’m sure it would upset him more to find that you were keeping things from him than to learn that you were talking to his sister.
It in the wrong, but only for being arrogant.
You are purposefully ignoring your husband’s demands in order to accomplish your own and you are keeping everything from him.
He does not wish to communicate with his family.
Why can’t you respect that?
A Kitchen Renovation Turned Into a Family Dispute
In late October, my wife Helen, 78 years old, and I, 71 years old, leave for Florida and spend the summer in Connecticut.
Our daughter Nicole and her husband David live in Massachusetts.
Nicole is pregnant with their first child, who is due in March.
In September, my stepson gave Nicole and David new kitchen floors.
I offered to help with the installation.
Their home is nearly a century old.
While I am not a contractor or carpenter, I am proficient in home repairs.
I was simply intended to lay the floors, but during the demolition, I persuaded them to remove several cabinets so that the flooring could be installed properly.
I agreed to help with prep work on weekends and returned from Florida in November to build and install the new cabinets.
They agreed.
Nicole and David, as new homeowners, are not particularly handy, but they were eager to get started.
However, as we started, we discovered that the walls were covered with decomposing horsehair plaster, which was an unpleasant surprise.
By the conclusion of the weekend, there was no stove hookup.
Only 10% of the floors had been put, and the kitchen was disorganized.
I told them to plaster the walls throughout the week, and I’d return the next weekend.
Nicole and David contacted in a panic on Tuesday, claiming the plaster was a catastrophe.
Nicole expressed worried about the burden of her pregnancy.
I told them to wait.
Nicole, on the other hand, told me she felt misled, that the project had spiraled out of control and that she wanted me to accept responsibility, not monetarily, but for my role in the issues.
I informed them that they had taken the decision to demo the cabinets and that it was not my home.
They eventually compensated me for my services and hired a contractor.
They stated I couldn’t commit to a project of this scale, especially given I work full-time and assist my stepson with his house flip.
They questioned whether I would return to assist after departing for Florida and Nicole was uneasy working during her pregnancy.
I disagreed with their evaluation yet was devastated when they fired me.
Since then, things have gotten odd.
I haven’t contacted them to inquire about the kitchen or the baby despite receiving occasional updates.
Helen has asked about the baby several times.
Nicole recently contacted us stating that the situation has been dreadful.
They had to obtain licenses from the town and they have not had a stove or sink in months.
Nicole claims I don’t care about her health or our grandchild since I haven’t checked in and haven’t taken charge of the situation.
I chuckled and told her I would have finished it by now.
She texted Helen and myself, instructing us not to speak to her and expressing her displeasure.
Helen then said no to Nicole’s baby shower in January and canceled our visit without alerting them.
David contacted us, urging us to reconsider, stating that they will only become firsttime parents once.
He added that Nicole is 6.5 months pregnant and did not mean what she said.
He even offered to pay for our visit tickets.
Helen and I, on the other hand, have maintained our solid attitude.
We advised them to notify us well in advance and that we may visit in March, either before or after the baby is delivered.
Nicole is devastated, but Helen and I were just trying to satisfy her requests.
Now I wonder whether I am the YTA on so many ways.
First, as you mentioned, you are neither a contractor or carpenter, but are skilled at house maintenance.
You urge them to demolish their kitchen, but barely completed 10% of the flooring before leaving.
Nicole has every right to be upset, and her feelings are valid.
You made a mess of their place and then backed down, essentially saying, “Oh, well, not my issue.
I personally would not want anything to do with you, but they have invited you to their baby shower.
Go and apologize.
A Family Disagreement Over a Stepson’s College Fund
I have three children.
My husband and I worked hard to raise them and help them become successful adults.
And they have.
I am proud of all three.
They were wonderful children who have grown into decent individuals, if I do say so myself.
When my oldest daughter married a widowerower with a 2-year-old child, my husband and I established an education fund for that child, as we had for all of our biological grandchildren.
We understand a little bit about investing and compound interest.
And by starting early, we can invest a small sum every month.
By the time they graduate from high school, we can present them with enough money to get them started in life.
My oldest grandchild recently graduated from high school.
After accounting for scholarships and other expenses, we were able to inform them that they would graduate debt-free.
We do not give them money directly.
Rather, we pay for tuition fees and other expenditures.
We acquired this lesson from our youngest child, our only son.
We gave him the money directly, just as we had done with his two elder sisters.
He got scholarships as well, but he spent the money we gave him and eventually decided to become a trades person instead.
He is doing well now and has a great business.
My son was married before, but it did not work out.
He has two children from that marriage.
Last year, he married a lovely woman who had a 15-year-old kid.
She had her son quite early which caused a schism in her family and none of them attended the wedding.
My son approached us about donating to his stepson’s education.
After some deliberation, my husband and I decided that we could afford to donate $5,000 to help, but that was it.
My son was quite disappointed.
He understands that all of our other grandchildren have enough money in their accounts to cover at least 2.5 years of instate tuition and costs.
While my son makes a fair living, he also enjoys spending it on toys and holidays.
I don’t believe he or my daughter-in-law had saved anything for his stepson’s school, which is why we contributed $5,000.
That money came from my personal fund to replace my car.
My son and his wife are planning ahead for the stepson’s graduation in June, but they continue to complain that I treat him differently than my other grandchildren.
I understand we’re treating him differently, but we didn’t have nearly two decades to save for him.
When I clarified this issue, I may not have worded it correctly.
My son’s lack of finances to pay for his stepson’s schooling is due to his spending habits before marriage.
I hope this is apparent now.
I spoke with my husband and children about it.
My son wants me to transfer money from all of the accounts we’ve set up for his biological children and open a new one for his stepson.
We answered by offering to split the two accounts we already had for his biological children into three, including the $5,000.
We also agreed to continue contributing to these accounts until they are depleted.
My youngster appears dissatisfied with that option.
However, we did not have the same 15-year head start on saving for this grandson as we did for the previous ones.
He can be disappointed that his stepson will not have the same head start, but he cannot be angry with us for not being able to offer more right now.
Finally, it is up to him to provide for his family.
My Parents Put My Brother First Until I Finally Stopped Waiting
I’d like to make it clearly obvious that I’ve never been the favorite child in my family.
This is not an exaggeration or a fake idea that I made up.
It is a very genuine and major component of my existence.
Growing up, my parents never concealed the fact that my younger brother’s life was more important to them than mine.
For reference, my mother became pregnant with my brother only a year after I was born.
While it was not a planned pregnancy, my parents were pleased with the prospect of expanding their family.
However, their delight swiftly changed to dread when physicians did several tests and revealed that the baby may have major health difficulties.
These were not trivial worries.
They were serious enough that my parents had to make the sad decision to terminate the pregnancy.
They eventually agreed to continue fully aware of the potential hurdles.
When my brother Mason was born, their concerns were realized.
He had serious heart abnormalities that necessitated prompt treatment.
My folks were distraught.
Mason need many procedures to survive and spent extensive time in the hospital.
His health became the primary focus of my family’s life.
And this transition had a significant impact on everything, including how I was treated.
My parents were obsessed with worry, love, and guilt about Mason’s health.
While I recognized that they were dealing with a really tough situation, it also meant that I was largely marginalized.
My parents were too worried with Mason’s medical demands, so I stayed with my grandparents while he was in the hospital.
During this time, they paid me just occasional visits.
Even at such a young age, I tried not to hold it against them.
I recognized that Mason’s health came first, and my parents were trying their best.
Besides, I really liked my time with my grandparents.
They were nice and attentive.
Every morning, my grandma made me breakfast and we spent hours doing simple things around the house like baking cookies or taking care of her garden.
My grandfather used to take me to the park and read me stories.
They filled in the gaps left by my parents’ absence, becoming almost like a second set of parents for me.
Mason’s condition gradually improved, and my parents were allowed to bring him home from the hospital.
You’d assume this would be the point where my parents would come to get me, where they’d like to reconcile the family, but no, it was not the case.
My mother, still burdened by the stress of Mason’s recuperation and the effort of caring for a sick child, decided she was not ready to take on the responsibility of two children.
She informed my grandparents that they would need to continue caring for me for a bit longer.
My father, who was preoccupied with work and attempting to balance Mason’s medical expenditures, also provided little assistance.
My grandparents, who genuinely enjoyed having me around, didn’t say anything when my parents opted to leave me with them for a longer period of time.
They were delighted to keep me with them.
While I was saddened to learn that I would not be returning home, I was not devastated.
I was still in a location where I felt loved, which reassured me.
The true issue arose when years passed, and my parents still showed no desire to bring me back home.
What was supposed to be a temporary arrangement lasted eternally.
I could only visit them every other weekend, and that wasn’t assured.
My father was sometimes too busy at work, and other times they simply did not make an effort to visit.
My grandparents were my primary caregivers, while my parents felt more like tourists than parents.
When I first started school, my grandparents took care of everything.
They dropped me off in the morning, picked me up in the afternoon, and were there from the moment I awoke until I was tucked into bed.
They made sure I got my school materials, assisted me with my homework, and kept me healthy.
In contrast, my parents never checked on me.
They didn’t care if I went to school every day or how well I did academically.
If I was sick, my grandparents would look after me.
My grandparents seemed to have taken on all of my parents’ obligations.
When my parents came to visit, they only talked about Mason.
They would tell my grandparents how amazing Mason was, how brave he had been while recovering from his surgeries, and how far he had come.
I don’t think they ever asked my grandparents how I was doing, what was going on in my life, or how I felt.
I started to feel totally invisible.
I can’t remember a single instance when my parents and I spent time together, just the three of us.
There was no one-on-one time and no attempt to repair any bond with me.
It was always about Mason.
Then came the moment I’ll never forget, Mason’s birthday celebration.
My parents organized a great celebration for him because he was doing so well.
They invited everyone, friends, family, and neighbors.
My grandparents brought me along.
Throughout the celebration, I couldn’t get over my intense envy as I saw Mason so joyful with my parents doting on him continuously.
The entire celebration revolved around him.
And while I understood it was his special day, I couldn’t help but feel entirely excluded.
I was a youngster as well, but my brother received all of the attention, love, and care that I craved.
I’m not sure when or how, but the strong feelings of witnessing my parents around my younger brother surfaced.
Before I knew it, I had broken into tears in front of everyone.
I remember feeling so embarrassed in that moment, knowing that everyone could see me unraveling.
My grandparents, bless their hearts, promptly brought me to a room and attempted to console me, but the pain and jealousy were too great.
I believe some of the other visitors noticed and attempted to console me, but nothing genuinely improved my mood.
It wasn’t about the gifts or the party.
It was about the attention and love I so desperately craved.
Watching my parents lavish Mason with attention and love was simply too much for me to stomach.
Later, after the birthday party, my parents and grandparents had a heated argument.
Apparently, my parents were embarrassed by my emotional outburst at the celebration.
They thought it was foolish of me to cry in front of everyone, and they believed my actions had drawn unwanted attention to them.
It wasn’t simply that I was irritated.
It had caused others to doubt my living circumstances.
Guests began to question why I wasn’t at home with my parents, why I was being raised by my grandparents, and if my parents were abandoning me.
My parents were unhappy with the scrutiny and blame me for forcing them to explain themselves.
Following the disagreement, I made a decision.
I would return home to live with my parents.
This was something I had wanted for years.
But when it finally happened, I didn’t feel as excited as I had hoped.
Instead, I felt apprehension.
The first few days back home were incredibly awkward.
The house felt foreign to me, and I frequently felt out of place, as if I were invading someone else’s territory.
My parents designed their routines totally on Mason’s wants and schedule.
They rarely acknowledged me, and when they did, it was always in passing.
I had imagined that moving back home would finally make my parents notice me, that they would care about me as much as they did about Mason.
However, it soon became evident that nothing had changed.
Mason was still the center of their universe.
While I remained on the periphery, disregarded and forgotten, I was merely happy for have my own room.
I spent the majority of my time there while I wasn’t in school.
I didn’t want to be alone.
Yet, being around my parents made me feel even more inconspicuous.
At least in my room, I didn’t have to watch their devotion for Mason while I went unnoticed.
I’d spend hours there completing my homework or lying on my bed trying to make sense of everything.
Throughout my scholastic years, my parents exhibited no interest in my studies or accomplishments.
They never asked about my schoolwork or attended any of my award ceremonies.
Even when I participated in school plays or extracurricular activities, they didn’t bother showing up or acknowledging my participation.
It seemed like nothing I did mattered to them.
Despite their utter contempt for my accomplishments, I made an effort to excel in school.
My grandparents limited attempts to intervene and remind my parents of my accomplishments were received with silence or plain disdain.
They would push my parents to express their happiness or gratitude for me, but they either disregarded or scoffed as if my accomplishments were unimportant.
It stung so much to see how little they cared, especially given how they handled Mason.
Mason never did well academically.
He struggled in school and frequently got into trouble.
He would bring home low grades and his teachers would occasionally call home to discuss his behavior, but none of this seemed to bother my parents.
They never held Mason responsible for his lack of effort, and they certainly did not chastise him.
If he ever managed to score even nearly average on a test or accomplish something minor, my parents would praise it as if it were a monumental feat.
They would order pizza or take us out to his favorite restaurant, making it a huge family outing.
When I finally finished high school and was accepted to college, I was fortunate to receive a partial scholarship.
Even though it paid some of the fees, I was concerned about how I would handle the remaining bills.
At the time, I asked my parents if they had set up a college fund for me.
Part of me knew the answer, yet I felt compelled to inquire.
As expected, they promptly informed me that all of the money they were saving was for Mason.
They stated he was the youngest and would need to be cared for in the future.
My father openly informed me that as the oldest, I needed to learn to take care of myself.
He did offer to assist me in applying for an education loan, which I would then be responsible for repaying once I found work.
It was quite painful to learn that my own parents continued to disregard me.
While most parents are delighted and proud to assist their children in their transition into adulthood, mine were practically telling me I was on my own.
Fortunately, my grandparents saw this coming long before I did.
They had been quietly planning for my future and had secretly established a trust fund for me years before.
When they finally revealed this to me and told me that I didn’t have to worry about college, I was completely surprised.
I couldn’t believe someone cared enough to do this for me.
I cried with excitement because for the first time I felt truly supported.
It was surreal.
No one had ever gone to such lengths to protect me.
My grandparents not only saw my talent but they also took steps to ensure that I could attend college without financial constraints.
However, when my parents learned about the trust fund that my grandparents had established for me, they did not share my excitement or relief.
Instead of being delighted for me, they immediately turned the subject to Mason.
Their first query to my grandparents was if they had also established a trust fund for Mason.
My grandfather gently explained that they had intentionally chosen to care for me because my parents had always favored Mason.
They indicated that they had witnessed for years how I had been disregarded and wanted to give me a fair shot to thrive without being held back.
Naturally, this did not sit well with my folks.
They felt it is unfair and quickly got into a furious dispute with my grandparents about how both grandchildren should be treated equally.
They accused my grandparents of favoritism and demanded that Mason, as the youngest member of the family, deserved his share of the money.
They couldn’t believe my grandparents had chosen to help me because they saw how neglected I had been all these years.
My parents seemed to be unaware that they had spent Mason’s entire life treating him as if he were the center of the universe.
Despite the pressure and accusations, my grandparents held their stance.
They refused to back down or let my parents manipulate the issue.
They clarified that this was not about favoritism.
Rather, it was about ensuring that I have the same opportunities as Mason, which my parents had previously provided.
My grandparents made their decision out of love and fairness, knowing that I had not received the same attention and support that Mason had.
After failing to persuade my grandparents, my parents focused their efforts on me.
They tried to persuade me to share some of the trust fund with them, claiming that I should invest in Mason’s future when he went to college.
They portrayed it as if I was greedy for retaining the money for myself, despite the fact that it was not mine to give away.
It was a gift from my grandparents.
I refused.
I informed them that it was not my obligation to care for Mason’s schooling, especially since they had always stated that their financial priority was with him.
My parents were unhappy about my decision, but there was nothing they could do.
For once, they did not have the upper hand.
I wasn’t going to give away what had been given to me out of love and care because they thought Mason deserved it all.
It was a heartbreaking realization that even in this situation, my parents could not be happy for me.
But it was also powerful because I understood I needed to stand up for myself even if it meant defying my parents.
As a result, my connection with my parents deteriorated significantly after I departed for college.
They cut off practically all touch with me, convinced that what I had done was selfish toward my brother.
Mason and I had never been close.
He was content being the preferred child.
and with me out of the house, he didn’t have to compete for our parents’ attention.
He never contacted or visited me when I was at college.
While it was unsurprising, it still stung.
My grandparents were the only ones that actually cared and remained in my life.
They were my emotional support system, always checking in on me, encouraging me, and ensuring I didn’t feel completely abandoned.
But then, in my third year of college, my life was turned upside down.
My grandfather died unexpectedly from a heart attack in his sleep.
His death left me shattered.
It was without a doubt the darkest period of my life.
I spent several days with my grandmother while we mourned together.
It was a devastating loss for both of us.
My grandfather had been a father figure to me in every manner that mattered and losing him created a void in my heart.
During this hard time, something unexpected happened.
I bonded with my parents and Mason.
My grandfather’s death shook all of us and for the first time in years, we found ourselves connecting over our shared sadness.
Despite my many unresolved issues for my parents, something about the incident brought us closer.
For a brief moment, it felt as if the barriers between us had fallen.
My grandfather had even left a letter for my mother.
In it, he begged her to stop ignoring me and to care for both of her children, not just Mason.
He reminded her of the value of family and how she couldn’t afford to continue treating one child better than the other for all these years.
I guess something changed after that.
Perhaps for the first time, my parents appeared to be genuinely sorry for how they had treated me.
They slowly began to make an effort to reconnect.
They began calling me more regularly, inquired about my studies, and shown an interest in my life.
It wasn’t perfect.
The anguish of the past couldn’t be erased that easily, but it was something.
I was still upset with them for all the years they had disregarded me and for not being there when I needed them.
But at the same time, I could see they were trying, which gave me a glimmer of optimism.
I wanted to think that they could change that perhaps, just maybe, they were beginning to recognize their mistakes.
When I graduated from college, my parents actually attended the ceremony.
They smiled proudly as they snapped pictures with me.
It seemed odd to have them there after all those years when they hadn’t even acknowledged my achievements.
Following the ceremony, my parents, Mason, my grandma, and I went out to lunch to celebrate.
It was one of the few times I felt like we were a family, even if it was just for a short period.
For once, I wasn’t invisible to them.
And that simple act of recognition meant more to me than words could describe.
This year, after securing my first true high-paying job and earning my first big salary, I wanted to do something special to commemorate the occasion.
I thought, why not share this moment with my family?
I hadn’t spent much time with my parents growing up, so I wanted to surprise them with something meaningful, a cruise excursion.
Only the three of us.
There were no distractions or obligations, simply quality time together to compensate for what we had missed over the years.
Deep down, I knew I desired their attention, even after all these years of feeling overlooked.
As for Mason, I intended to get him something nice later so he wouldn’t feel excluded.
I wanted the cruise trip to be a surprise for my parents.
So, instead of notifying them over the phone, I made a reservation at a fine, costly restaurant where we could eat and celebrate.
When I called to invite my parents, they appeared excited, even thrilled to visit the restaurant.
They promised to be there on time.
But when I arrived at the restaurant on time, my parents were unable to be seen.
At first, I attempted to give them the benefit of doubt.
Perhaps they were stuck in traffic or running a little late.
However, after around 15, 20, and 30 minutes, I began to feel worried.
I contacted them several times, and they did not answer until the sixth call.
My father casually remarked that they were finishing up some last minute errands and will be at the restaurant soon.
Annoyed but hopeful, I remained at the table waiting for them.
The waiter kept coming by, asking if the rest of my group had come, and I became increasingly humiliated with each passing minute.
I didn’t want to look like I’d been stood up in a fine restaurant.
I eventually ordered dinner for myself since I was hungry.
I finished my dinner while sitting alone, glancing at the empty seats across from me.
My calls to my parents remained unanswered after that.
An hour passed followed by nearly 2 hours.
Finally, after my 15th effort, my father answered the phone.
He began apologizing, but I was completely irritated by this point.
I started yelling at him, wondering what they had been doing all this time and why they couldn’t just tell me they weren’t going to make it.”
Oh, just stop complaining,” he replied dismissively. ”
I apologize for the delay.
Your mother and I were held up at the shop.
We selected the ideal birthday present for your brother.
But when we got to the counter, we discovered your mother had forgotten her card at home, so we had to drive back and grab it.
Fortunately, the shop had our gift, which we were able to purchase just now.
Mason is going to be overjoyed with what we picked out for him.
By the way, have you purchased anything for your brother yet?
You do recall that his birthday is in 2 weeks, right?
At that point, I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me.
I was hoping to have a memorable moment with my parents to celebrate my accomplishments and bring us closer together.
But once again, Mason was all that mattered to them.
They had spent the entire evening shopping for his birthday gift, completely ignoring the fact that I had been sitting alone at the restaurant I waiting for them.
Not only had they missed the dinner, but they had the audacity to inquire whether I had thought to get something for Mason.
I was livid, but I tried to remain calm as I reminded my father that they could have bought for Mason any other day.
They should have respected my time, especially because I went out of my way to prepare this for them.
My father’s response made matters worse.
He dismissed my concerns, claiming they were on their way and that we could discuss it once they arrived.
However, I did not want to stay there any longer.
I was furious with my parents.
I paid my bill, got up from the table, and went.
My phone began to vibrate as I drove back home.
My parents were phoning and left voicemails stating they had arrived at the restaurant, but couldn’t find me.
I ignored their calls because I was too angry and hurt to even consider talking to them.
Later that night, my mother sent me a series of SMS.
She attacked me rather than apologizing or admitting that they had made mistakes.
She labeled me impolite for not being present when they finally arrived, as if I had wasted their time.
She had the gall to claim that this was why they didn’t care about my irrelevant intentions in the first place.
I was always so impulsive.
According to her, their priorities were totally acceptable, and I was in the wrong for being furious with them.
Reading her messages brought up memories of hurt and fury.
I had put my heart and soul into planning something spectacular, and all I received in return was the same indifference I had felt my entire life.
I simply couldn’t deal with their cruel statements and frequent disregard for my sentiments.
After everything I had done to make this moment memorable, I felt much more alone than before.
I knew that no matter what I did, Mason would always come first, leaving me as an afterthought.
I blocked her without bothering to respond.
Update number one.
The reason I bought the cruise tickets in the first place was that my parents conduct changed significantly following my grandfather’s death.
I felt they’d finally recognized me as a human being and their child.
But I suppose I was mistaken again.
I am delighted my eyes are awake now.
Starting today, I’m done begging and crying for their attention.
I will block both of them on my phone.
Regarding the update, it appears that my parents have informed Mason of the entire situation and he phoned me this week to address it.
My brother believes that our parents’ actions were not improper and that I should have respected them enough to wait for their arrival rather than fleeing at the last minute.
He added that our parents were quite disappointed in me and had contacted him to protest about my activities.
He invited me to his forthcoming birthday party so I could apologize to our parents.
I declined his request, asking him to leave me alone for the time being.
He tried to argue with me more, but I reminded him that my connection with our parents had nothing to do with him and that he would never comprehend what I was going through.
Update number two, it’s been a month since I last updated.
For those who inquired, I did consider canceling my cruise reservations, but then I realized I’d spent a big portion of my paycheck on them, so I resolved to make better use of them.
I chose to travel with my best friend and grandmother rather than my parents.
To put it simply, the three of us had a fantastic time and I quickly forgot about all of my parents’ trouble.
This trip provided a muchneeded break for all of us.
However, after the trip, when I shared a few photos from our cruise, I began receiving messages from my father on Facebook accusing me of being selfish and ungrateful for taking grandma on the vacation without inviting them.
I had forgotten to block my parents on Facebook because I assumed they rarely used it.
My father’s audacity to ask me to take him after everything he and mom had put me through was staggering.
He also mentioned how upset my mother was when I blocked her and how he wishes I would simply go to therapy and overcome my childish behavior so I could stop torturing them for the rest of their life.
Update number three.
Hello everyone.
It has been 4 months since my previous update and I am doing well.
I’ve blocked both my parents and Mason.
I’ll admit that since cutting them off, my life has become considerably more calm.
I’ve learned to recognize that family isn’t always what you’re born into, it’s what you choose.
Surrounding yourself with supportive friends and loved ones has made a huge difference.
My grandmother and I still have a terrific relationship, and I want to take her on additional vacations in the future.
My Stepmother Tried to Make Me Leave My Girlfriend for Her Son
I, 32 male, have had no contact with my father’s family in the past 12 years, and it all starts from his remarage.
My parents divorced when I was about 10 years old because they were no longer in love.
At the age of 32, I understand what that means, but as a child, I was astonished and devastated.
As a result, I frequently lashed out at my parents and we attended family counseling together.
However, it just felt like my mother was trying to comprehend my point of view, whereas my father had a strong attitude of simply accepting life as it comes to you.
As a result, I was closer to my mother than to my father, and I only spent a few months with him at a time.
However, when I was 14, my mother died in an accident, forcing me to move in with my father.
Those were arguably the saddest days of my life, made worse by the fact that I was essentially the only one grieving.
My father had been dating Rachel, 49, female, for a few years, and they had become engaged around the same time my mother died.
My father placed his future with Rachel over my mother and their shared history, so he never showed any symptoms of sadness or grief.
This made me feel even more alienated as an adolescent.
Rachel was also a handful at this time.
Because I was an unexpected guest in their home, she expected me to follow her rules and even attempted to take over as a maternal figure.
I was plainly reluctant to do this because she couldn’t possibly replace my mother in a few months.
Worse, she has always favored her prior relationship son Liam, 30 male.
In true overbearing parent manners, she attempted to meddle, getting him a better spot on the football team, a bigger role in the school play, and so on.
To his credit, Liam typically called his mother up on this behavior, but she continued to act like a smother regardless.
And no matter how outraged he became by her actions, he still benefited from her string pulling.
So, my teen years were difficult, dealing with the death of my mother, my whipped father, who never said anything negative about Rachel, and a distant step-brother who was always a little awkward around me.
All I knew was that I needed to keep my head down and get out after college.
I ended up attending UNC, which was in my home state, and to save money, I remained with my father and his family.
This was something dad and Rachel had agreed on, and I wasn’t freeloading.
I paid a little rent and helped with food.
However, things became really tense when I began dating this girl, Grace, 31, female, during my college years.
I used to bring her home frequently, present her to the family, and it was obvious that Liam had feelings for her.
I didn’t like it and warned him in private to quit behaving creepy about Grace, but it was clear he still felt for her.
At first, I assumed it was just a crush that would pass, but this guy had fallen hard.
He was dropping grades in school, messing up his SAT prep, and acting like a lovesick puppy in general.
To be honest, it was not my problem.
I had attempted to be the responsible elder brother by not calling my girlfriend over, gritting my teeth about the fact that he was infatuated with her and making no attempt to hide it.
He didn’t understand it, and he probably didn’t want to.
According to what I know now, Rachel had checked in with her son, owing to his strange conduct, and he had poured all his girl wos to her.
Rachel, after some mental acrobatics of her own, decided that I was too responsible for Liam’s condition and instructed my father to present an ultimatum.
My father sat me down one day and told me, “Son, we had agreed that you would stay with us during your college years, but something has come up.
Rachel and I believe you are diverting Liam with your hobbies and the friends you invite over.
As a result, we need to reach a new agreement.”
When I heard this from him, I was perplexed.
Without knowing the context, I assumed he was talking to my friends who occasionally came over to play Wii games with me, or that I was playing music too loudly at night.
I had no idea.
So I asked him, “What do you mean, Dad?
Are my buddies becoming a negative influence on Liam?
I swear we haven’t taught him anything bad and we usually stay out of each other’s way.
Correct.”
He said, “Yeah, but that’s not what I’m talking about, OP.
I think you and I are both aware that Liam has strong feelings for Grace.
We were thinking that you could end your relationship with her to keep the family at peace.
I mean, we don’t think a female should be more important than your brother’s health, right?”
I laughed aloud when I heard this.
It was the dumbest thing I’d ever heard.
Still chuckling, I answered, “Sure, Dad.
Why don’t I end a fantastic relationship because your child can’t take no for an answer?
I’ve already told him numerous times that he makes Grace uncomfortable, and I rarely invite her over anymore.
What’s the issue, anyway?”
I knew he was skirting the issue, but I was beginning to suspect that Liam had gone overboard with the if I can’t have her, nobody can attitude.
Rachel had undoubtedly requested Dad to talk to me about it to plate her son while also ensuring that he did not waste any more time on this girl.
I’m not sure how they expected me to roll over on this.
It escalated into a massive battle and I decided to stay with Grace and move out of the house.
I packed my bags one day and departed, changing my cell phone number in the process.
I slept at a friend’s apartment for a few days before moving in with my fianceé.
Fortunately, I was in college on a scholarship, and my primary challenges were paying for rent and utilities.
But I hustled and worked late to make it happen.
At this point, all ties with my family had been severed, and the only people I consider family anymore are a few relatives on my mother’s side.
It’s been 12 years since then, and guess what?
Grace and I married, and we both like our professions and lives.
In fact, we recently purchased our first home and are trying for a baby.
I really believe that leaving my dysfunctional family was the finest decision I ever made.
However, a few days ago, someone showed up at my home, causing me to spiral and reflect on my history.
Liam found out where I lived and came over to see me, stating he needed to speak with me.
I was too surprised to react, so I calmly allowed him in.
We caught up a little once he settled down, but he already knew the overall essence of my life, which he had evidently discovered via social media.
Then he told me why he was here.
He revealed a lot about his obsession with Grace, including his mother’s participation.
However, he also stated that he never intended for me to leave the house.
That was something Rachel had designed entirely on her own.
He added that when I left, mom appeared almost relieved that I was gone, and the house seemed very cold and strange to him.
The three of them ended up moving out of state a few months after I left, something I was unaware of.
Liam did not know how to contact me back then.
Throughout this period, he had been feeling bad about the way I had laughed at the scenario and he had overcome his attraction to Grace.
Surprise.
However, due to his bad mental health, he ended up hanging out with the wrong crowd in college and eventually dropped out.
The situation at home was also horrible.
His mother was distraught at his lack of motivation and success, but she never bothered to investigate why he was so miserable.
This eventually forced him to leave the house after 10 years.
And he has been wandering from place to place ever since, performing odd jobs and hitchhiking.
He approached me and asked if I could help him settle in this area, perhaps by getting him a foot in the door at the place where I work.
This would be difficult for someone without a degree or other qualifications.
As I said clearly, but Liam insisted that I owe him this for abandoning him with our terrible family.
He maintained that despite our distance, we were still brothers.
He left about an hour ago.
as I write this and I am conflicted.
I don’t believe I owe him anything yet.
It’s awful to watch him like this.
I spoke with Grace about it and she would want to maintain no contact and see with all members of my family including Liam, but she believes we should support him in some manner.
Will I be the a-hole WWE if I stop engaging with my stepbrother?
Update one.
Based on feedback, I believe it’s better to provide Liam with temporary housing and encourage him to look for work on his own.
I’m not sure if we’ll ever have a meaningful friendship, but you’re right.
I don’t owe him anything for his own mental suffering.
I did what was best for myself.
Update two.
After a few months, Liam is doing well in our town.
He has changed dramatically from who he was previously and has begun working as a junior manager at the local Walmart.
The money we gave him has been beneficial, and he is attending night school to earn a degree.
To be honest, seeing him now makes me want to be more engaged in his life.
But I can’t get over the notion that he believes I owe him something for moving out and making him feel terrible.
I discussed it with my relatives and they proposed confronting him.
Update three.
I spoke with Liam why he shouldn’t expect anything from me.
However, I believe he has matured into a fine man who deserves my love.
It took him some time to realize the nuances, but he eventually apologized for the unfair load and expressed gratitude for the support.
Grace has also softened her feelings against him as he privately apologized for his previous suspicious behavior.
I suppose he’ll be welcome in our home from now on.
I can’t say the same for his mother and father, lol.
We both despise them.
Not the a-hole, NTA.
But in my opinion, neither is Liam right now.
Yes, he was fascinated with Grace, but Rachel is the actual a-hole for allowing such behavior.
NTA, but I would still be cautious with your brother.
Not because he is doing anything wrong, but because both of you must work together to process the trauma of your narcissistic parents.
I also feel like someone like Rachel is difficult to cut off.
So, is Liam in no contact NC with them right now?
My Best Friend Made a Cruel Announcement at Her Baby Shower
Yesterday, my husband, 32M, and I, 30F, went to my best friend Victoria’s, 30F, baby shower.
Victoria and I had been great friends since college.
We first became roommates, but our connection got stronger as we realized our shared love of similar music.
We went to concerts together and created innumerable memories.
By our senior year of college, we were nearly inseparable, spending summers together in each other’s houses whenever possible.
After finishing our schooling, we pursued separate vocations.
While I landed a highly sought-after position at a prestigious law firm, my ideal job, Victoria was unsure whether she wanted regular employment.
Instead, she chose to look into social media as a source of income.
Despite our dramatically different schedules, we made it a point to set aside weekends for each other.
We always made time to connect.
Whether it was on a hike, at a new restaurant, out for drinks, or just staying home to watch movies.
I first met James on one of our girls evenings out.
He was at his friend’s bachelor celebration, and the moment I saw him, I knew he was the one for me.
Although we often dispute over who fell in love first, the truth is that we both fell profoundly in love that same night.
Fortunately, we’ve been blissfully married for 5 years, and it’s been nothing short of ideal.
I often tell Victoria how grateful I am that she invited me to the pub that night.
Otherwise, I would not have met my beautiful spouse.
Victoria was unmarried for a few years following my marriage before meeting her current spouse Peter and celebrating their second anniversary this year.
Three months ago, Victoria announced that she was pregnant and I was overjoyed.
I couldn’t wait to watch my closest friend begin this new chapter in her life and hold her baby shortly.
I was honored when Victoria entrusted me with organizing her baby shower because I would be the baby’s godmother.
After exploring numerous themes, we settled on yellow, Victoria’s favorite hue.
Throughout the planning process, I maintained regular contact with the caterer to ensure that everything was in order and that the cake arrived on schedule.
As fate would have it, I had previously worked with the caterer for my brother’s wedding, so it was easy to work with her again.
On the day of the shower, we arrived early to ensure that everything was great.
Peter met us at the door and informed us that Victoria was still getting ready.
While setting up, I discovered that the cake was not centered on the table as Victoria requested, so I corrected it.
Soon after, the visitors began to arrive, and I was delighted to see several of our old college pals.
We hadn’t seen one other in years, so we used the chance to catch up and discuss critical life updates.
Victoria entered the room wearing a bright yellow outfit that matched her baby shower theme.
Everyone congratulated her, and she smiled radiantly.
As the ceremony progressed, we all sat down to eat a great lunch.
Everything looked to be going well until Victoria called everyone’s attention.
She stood up and thanked us for attending her baby shower.
Then she took a deep breath and said, “I’m thrilled to tell you that my husband, Peter, and I are expecting our first child, and I have someone very special to thank for that.”
Peter looked at Victoria with a bewildered expression, trying to figure out what was going on.
Then, pointing directly at my husband, James, she exclaimed, “Everyone, I’d like to introduce the father of our baby.
I nearly choked on my dinner.”
The room was silent and I could see everyone was surprised and unsure how to respond.
My mind raced to make sense of what was going on.
My husband, who dislikes attention and prefers to keep to himself, grabbed my hand hard under the table.
I turned to look at him and he seemed as perplexed as I was.
All eyes were on us in an uncomfortable and awkward quiet.
I looked to Victoria, looking for an answer.
Just to give you some context, my husband and I have been trying to conceive for years with no success.
Despite several testing, we have been unable to become pregnant owing to personal medical difficulties.
I’ve only told a few family members and close friends about my difficulties, including Victoria.
My husband and I eventually accepted that we might not be able to get pregnant.
Rather than dwell on it, we decided to concentrate on our lives as a couple.
Victoria openly referring to my husband as the father of her baby was a lie, but I couldn’t help but be affected by her statements.
My eyes welled up with tears, and I tried not to cry in front of everyone.
Victoria jumped up, laughing and playfully shoved her husband, Peter, shouting, “I was just kidding.
Guys, this is all just a prank for my Instagram.
I’ve put up cameras everywhere to capture all of your reactions.”
As everyone glanced around, puzzled, I couldn’t help but be annoyed at Victoria for putting us on such an emotional roller coaster.
I couldn’t believe my best friend felt pointing out my spouse as the father of her child was humorous, especially given our past issues.
I turned to look at my spouse and noticed that his face was flushed.
He was still holding my hands and I could sense he was ashamed at the time.
Although a few visitors laughed nervously, the room was generally uncomfortable.
I noted that Victoria’s husband Peter did not join in the laughs.
He appeared upset rather than amused and even apologized to my husband.
Peter and my husband had grown to be close friends over the years, and I believe he felt sorry for us at the time.
I did not want to face Victoria right away and ruin her baby shower.
As she continued with the festivities, I attempted to shake the dread that had crept in, but it persisted.
After lunch, we played a few games before opening all the gifts.
Victoria was the only one who appeared to be having fun, conversing with people and shooting images for social media.
My husband had previously informed me privately that he intended to leave after the awful meal, but I urged him to stay.
I didn’t want the visitors to notice us leaving unexpectedly, so I told him I’d talk to Victoria about it later.
I guess Peter too was uncomfortable continuing with the celebration since he immediately stood up with an angry expression.
He asked Victoria if they could go outside for a bit and I knew something was about to happen.
We could all see and hear them plainly as they spoke and it was clear that Victoria’s joke had made the atmosphere in the room uncomfortable.
I observed as their talk heated up and Peter’s emotions became increasingly impassioned by the minute.
Peter’s voice increased and his comments echoed across the room.
I can’t believe you would do something like this.
They are our closest friends and this is not just a harmless prank.
You made a mockery of our baby shower and humiliated me in front of everyone.
Victoria kept saying she thought it was a harmless prank, but Peter was having none of it.
He sternly advised her to grow up and stop making insensitive comments, especially since they were celebrating the birth of their child.
The room had become uncomfortably silent.
We could all hear their words plainly.
My husband couldn’t stand it any longer, so he got up and went, saying he’d wait for me in the car.
Although my heart grieved for my friend, I recognized how hurt my husband was and could not blame him for leaving.
Peter must have recognized the gravity of Victoria’s actions as he watched my husband walk out.
He glanced at Victoria and responded, “I’m done.
I’m done with your immaturity.
We’re done.
I will love this child, but I can’t be with you for one second longer.”
When Victoria heard this, she burst into tears and Peter departed the gathering.
We all glanced at each other in surprise, unsure how to respond.
My heart achd for my dearest buddy, but I knew my husband needed me more at the time.
I did not want to approach Victoria after her painful chat with Peter, so I too left the baby shower without saying goodbye.
When I arrived home, I noticed how upset my husband was.
We couldn’t believe Victoria had pulled such a nasty hoax on us.
That evening, Peter texted us an apology, stating he had no idea she would perform such a hoax for a video and was sorry for all we had been through.
We were delighted he reached out because we didn’t want to have any ill will toward him and fully understood his point of view.
Unfortunately, I awoke today to multiple messages from Victoria.
She said that she pulled the prank out of stress from her pregnancy and simply wanted to make a viral video for her Instagram.
She stated she didn’t understand why we were unhappy and wondered why I left without saying goodbye.
Then she requested me to meet her today so that I could take her to her gynecologist visit.
Starting to get upset again.
I told her that I didn’t find her joke amusing at all.
I told her that what she did was rude and had made both my husband and me very uncomfortable.
I also informed her that I needed some time away from her and would be unable to accompany her to her appointment that day.
Victoria retaliated by labeling me a shitty friend for abandoning her at such a vulnerable moment.
This message truly bothered me.
I couldn’t believe she’d say something like that just because I needed space.
When I told my husband about Victoria’s message, he was just as outraged as I was.
He urged that we avoid interacting with her until she comprehended the gravity of her conduct.
I decided to send Victoria one final message, informing her that I would not be speaking with her until she apologized to both me and my husband for what she had done.
I also made it plain that if she attempted to upload the prank film, I would take legal action against her.
Rather than apologize, Victoria stated that she did not believe she had done anything wrong.
She even suggested that I was jealous of her due to her pregnancy.
When I read her response, I couldn’t believe my eyes.
This woman, who had been my best friend for over a decade, assumed I was jealous of her, despite the fact that I had gone above and beyond to provide her with the ultimate baby shower.
Victoria assured me she would not be uploading the film, but she insisted that I put my sentiments aside and assist her at this difficult time.
She stated that her husband hadn’t returned home the night before and that she needed me more than before.
As a non-confrontational person, I found myself in tears after reading her callous messages.
Recognizing that I couldn’t continue this conversation, I made the difficult decision to block her without further answer.
Now I’m conflicted.
Part of me regrets not being there for my pregnant best friend, but another part of me is relieved and even grateful that her husband dumped her after the trick she pulled on us.
Update one.
It’s been a week since my last update, and a lot has happened.
First and foremost, I want to highlight that Victoria is not the type of person who likes to joke around.
It took me completely by surprise when she pulled off this joke.
I’ve known her for years, and she’s never been the sort to perpetrate pranks on others.
Anyway, Peter was serious about leaving Victoria.
My spouse chatted with Peter over the weekend and discovered that he is actively looking for a divorce lawyer.
Since that day, Victoria has been persistently phoning and texting Peter, insisting that he return to her and get over his feelings.
However, Peter has entirely ignored her attempts to contact him.
She even went so far as to accuse him of sleeping with me, which was absolutely unexpected.
The truth is that Peter is simply sorry that his marriage is coming to an end because Victoria is gradually becoming someone he no longer recognizes.
Victoria has been unable to reach me directly after I blocked her.
Instead, she left a lengthy note for my husband.
She accused him of attempting to destroy our friendship, even claiming that he isn’t much of a man because he can’t get me pregnant.
I was upset when my husband showed me the note when he returned from work yesterday.
Until now, I had tried to ignore her unexpected change in behavior, figuring that it was caused by pregnant hormones.
But her derogatory remarks to my spouse were utterly wrong.
That was when I decided to teach her a lesson.
I was in charge of both the baby shower and the baby registry.
I had spent numerous hours with Victoria discussing her needs and compiling a list of important goods for the baby.
However, Victoria insisted that we include ridiculously costly items on the list, things that not all attendees could buy.
During the baby shower, I noted that while some guests followed the list, others presented her with practical goods that were not on the list, but would still benefit a new mother.
Victoria was genuinely upset about it.
Originally, I intended to personally give her a handful of the pricey goods she desired.
However, after she crossed the line by insulting my husband, I promptly cancelled the order and erased the baby registry to ensure she could not access it.
If she wanted one now, she’d have to start from scratch.
Additionally, I received a message from the caterer about the baby shower a few days ago, but I was too consumed with dealing with Victoria to answer.
As a surprise gift to Victoria, I had previously paid half of the catering services booking fees and planned to pay the remaining balance after the baby shower.
However, given everything that had transpired, I became distracted and entirely forgot about it.
I called the caterer and explained the situation to Victoria.
I informed her that given what had happened, I would not be paying the remaining sum.
The caterer was very kind and advised me that because Victoria had booked the catering service under her own name and had communicated with them prior to the baby shower, the final payment would be sent to Victoria rather than me.
I was happy that I wouldn’t have to spend any more money on someone who had publicly insulted us and continued to cause us harm with her harsh text messages.
I also told my spouse what happened and he found it humorous.
Although I had pondered contacting Victoria in the previous few days, once she sent that letter to my husband, I realized that I had gone beyond the point of forgiving.
I’m grateful to everyone who backed me and helped me recognize how harmful her conduct was.
Looking back, I can recall several occasions when she criticized me, but I never paid much heed to them until now.
Anyway, I’m going to remain positive and move on from this experience.
I do not want to waste any more time or energy on her.
Update two.
This woman is unashamed.
Victoria sent me an email several days after I spoke with the caterer.
As soon as her name appeared in my email, I knew she was back with her In the email, she accused me of being cheap for not paying for the full food service.
although knowing I could afford it.
She stated I had always been arrogant because I was born into my family’s wealth.
And then she expressed her relief that I could never conceive.
She went on to say that she had been using me for years to make her life easy.
Then she repeatedly called me unattractive and implied that I was undeserving of my spouse.
She also said that my husband married me just for my money because I was too ugly to be with him.
She then called me an expletive for allegedly putting a wedge between her and her spouse.
Throughout the email, she used explosive profanity, essentially calling me every foul name under the sun.
I showed the email to my husband, who quickly deleted it.
Over the years, we’ve both gone above and beyond to assist this woman.
We were there for her when she was single and distraught over several breakups.
We’ve brought her on vacation with us and even paid for her flight and hotel room on multiple occasions.
My spouse had even assisted Victoria’s parents by restoring their home and lending them money a while back.
We’d always treated her like family.
Furious, my husband immediately contacted Peter and invited him over for dinner to discuss the problem.
When Peter came, we handed him the email and his expression was utter contempt.
He then gave us text conversations from Victoria in which she used similar profanity and even accused him of cheating.
We were deeply shocked by the gravity of the charge as it was not something to be simply flung around or uttered in anger toward one’s spouse.
It was difficult to imagine that my former best buddy, whom I had just recently parted ways with, had changed so significantly.
Peter told us that he was in contact with a reputable divorce lawyer.
According to his lawyer’s advice, he never responded to Victoria’s texts, no matter how insane or cruel they were, and instead saved screenshots of everything she sent him.
He also photographed the email she had sent me so he could show it to his lawyer.
Since I wrote the original article, I’ve had a few DMs from folks who are concerned about Victoria, presuming she has neurological abnormalities as a result of her rapid change in behavior.
I’d like to add that she’s always had temper issues.
Even while we were in college, I saw her lose her temper and use profanity toward others, even in public.
Though I really doubt this is a medical issue, my husband and I will nevertheless contact her parents about the situation.
We want to tell them everything and show them all of the messages and emails she has sent us.
if they believe there is something wrong with her after that.
It is their responsibility to take her for a medical checkup.
Despite everything, I do not intend to unblock her or answer her email.
I have gone above and above for this woman, and for her to continue mistreating, belittling, and disrespecting me is beyond disappointing.
I intend to put this experience behind me and focus on enjoying life with my spouse and our dogs.
The last few months have been a roller coaster of emotions, to say the least.
I hope everyone is having a good start to the new year just as my husband and I are.
We’re here in the Maldes taking a muchneeded break from our hectic careers.
Given the events of the past year, we decided to take a break from work and unwind.
So far, we’ve spent our days relaxing on the beach and sipping cool cocktails at the resort.
Update.
Several of you have requested an update, and as expected, Peter and Victoria have officially split.
The court case was heated with Peter’s lawyer providing evidence as well as their previously agreed upon premarital agreement.
Despite Victoria’s best efforts, she and her lawyer were unable to win the case.
However, both parties have been instructed to develop a co-parenting plan in the best interests of their child.
When we contacted Victoria’s parents about her erratic conduct, we discovered that she needed to move back in with them.
Apparently, due to her pregnancy and lack of proper work experience, she was unable to support herself for long using only social media.
She had no choice but to return to her parents’ residence.
I also discovered from our mutual friends that after the disastrous baby shower, everyone quickly distanced themselves from her.
Nobody wanted to become involved in her drama.
Peter did not visit Victoria after filing for divorce until she went into labor.
He stayed in the delivery room all night to witness the birth of their daughter.
He has since devoted himself to caring for the baby, spending as much time with her as possible, and providing financial support is agreed upon.
He still meets up with my husband on weekends, whether to play golf or have drinks in the evening.
Victoria was forced to pay the remaining bill for the baby shower caterer after he threatened legal action.
Victoria has sent me several emails in which she blames me for her life’s circumstances.
Despite her parents subjecting her to numerous medical tests, she is completely healthy.
As a result, there is no excuse for her immature behavior.
Hopefully, for the sake of her daughter, she will strive to change and become a better person in the future.
My husband and I did not let this situation affect our happy and healthy marriage.
We moved on from it within a month and concentrated on our personal and professional lives.
We still go on Sunday dates just like when we first started dating.
When I look at my husband, I still feel the same excitement and appreciation that I did when we first met.
I’m grateful to be spending my life with him.
I’d also like to express my sympathy to all of the couples who have expressed their difficulties with infertility.
I want you to know that it’s perfectly fine.
Life takes its own course and we must trust the journey.
If you genuinely love your partner, there are numerous other ways to become parents.
However, my husband and I are content with each other’s company and have decided to spend the rest of our lives happily together.
My Girlfriend Wanted an Open Relationship, but I Found Love Elsewhere
Hey, Reddit.
I never thought I’d post about relationships, but I need to vent and maybe get some help.
At 28, male, I thought my relationship with Natalie, 27, female, was secure until recently.
After 3 years dating and two years living together, everything was great.
Like, I was covertly checking for engagement diamonds on my lunch break.
Supernormal story.
Common friends introduced us at a board game night.
She smiled at my stupid jokes.
I enjoyed her Monopoly competitiveness and we clicked.
After dating for a year, it was natural to share an apartment as we were always at each other’s houses.
Our routines, you know, Sunday morning pancakes, park walks after work, watching her favorite dreadful reality shows while I play phone games, normal couple stuff.
Natalie is a marketer.
I handle building projects.
Our families get along.
We have wonderful careers and friends.
My mom adores her.
Her dad regularly invites me to football games.
We were that couple that gave others hope in relationships.
Yeah, it sounds familiar now.
Everything was normal until Tuesday.
Dinner was served.
Natalie was talking about a work project while I was eating my sandwich when she said, “Hey, what would you think about trying an open relationship?”
I froze midbite, fork halfway to mouth.
I assumed I misheard her, but she kept talking.
She told me she had been reading about it online, that many couples were trying it, and that it may help us grow and strengthen our relationship.
I asked, “Is there someone specific you want to date?”
Because that was my initial instinct.
Open relationships are only discussed when someone has someone in mind, right?
Natalie became defensive.
No, no, it’s not about anyone else.
I just think it would be good for us to explore ourselves more.
We’re still young, and I don’t want us to wake up in 10 years wondering what we missed out on.
Sitting there, I tried to understand what was happening.
When a waitress smiled too much at me, this girl became upset.
Her new dating advice is like proposing we try a different restaurant.
I asked, “Have you been feeling unhappy?” ”
In case I missed something, maybe I should have noticed indications.” ”
Not at all,” she answered, taking my hand across the table. ”
I love you.
I love us.
This isn’t about being unhappy.
It’s about making our relationship even better.
Think about it.
We could both have new experiences but still come home to each other.
Lots of couples say it makes their connection stronger.
Not knowing what to say, my thinking froze between confusion and panic.
My appetite was gone.
The food in front of me could have been cardboard.
Natalie, however, spoke animatedly, almost glowing.
She kept talking about norms, boundaries, communication.
But I kept thinking, where is this coming from?
However, yes.
I said, okay.
I realize this sounds weak.
Not because I wanted to, not because I believed, but her desire in her eyes and the way she leaned in, virtually screaming for my approval, showed she had already decided.
Saying no was like closing a door she didn’t want to.
Are you sure you’re okay with this?
She questioned wideeyed and anxious, like she was offering me a choice.
We don’t have to if you’re not comfortable.
I saw her desperate for my approval.
I knew this wasn’t a decision in the back of my head.
Something was changing between us, like it or not.
To find out what was going on, I had to play along.
No, it’s fine.
I nodded.
If you think it’ll be good for us, we can try it.
I entered something I didn’t believe in, knowing I was losing her.
She became thrilled and started talking about how we might set up dating app profiles together and how we should notify each other of upcoming dates, all of which she seemed to have already considered.
I’m sitting there wondering, how long did she plan this?
Rest of the night was odd.
We watched TV as usual, but my mind raced.
Natalie was cuddling with me on the couch, acting like everything was fine, like she hadn’t just suggested changing our relationship.
I kept wanting to return it and tell her I wasn’t happy.
I had no idea how.
Every time I saw her browsing through her phone with a smile, I felt like I had made a big mistake.
That night in bed, I couldn’t sleep.
Natalie lay cold next to me, serene, while I glanced at the ceiling, wondering what I had done.
Part of me wanted to wake her awake and tell her I didn’t want to share her.
Some part of me was afraid.
I was afraid she would do it or leave me if I said no.
As I laid there, I reviewed our recent conversations to see if I missed any indications.
Is she bored?
Was I insufficient?
Was someone else there?
I had no responses to the inquiries that kept coming.
Little did I know, this was just the start of the chaos.
Natalie asked me to assist pick photographs for her Tinder and Bumble profiles all evening like a lover would.
She asked me to take new photos of her.
Yes, seriously.
I took images of my girlfriend to make her look good to other males.
I created my own profile to demonstrate my effort.
My heart wasn’t in it.
Writing a bio felt awkward and false every time.
What should I write?
Looking for fun while dating?
I felt awful all over.
She probably knew I wouldn’t meet anyone.
I told her I’m not social and don’t have time or energy to meet new people several times.
Maybe she believed she could date and use me as backup.
Natalie got matches fast.
Her beauty and playfulness are obvious.
I was most surprised by how quickly she met these guys.
Within a week, she had three dates.
Three.
She showed me their profiles like we were discussing celebrity obsessions.
She shoved her phone in my face.
Look at this one.
He’s a personal trainer at that fancy gym downtown.
We’re getting coffee tomorrow.
I nodded, pretending this was usual.
I felt queasy the first time she got dressed for a date.
I had never seen her black clothing before.
For this, she bought new outfits.
She did cosmetics for an hour.
She twirled as she left our bedroom. ”
How do I look?”
she exclaimed.
I said, “Great.”
Knowing that dress probably cost more than she spends on our date nights.
She returned home late that night laughing.
I fainted to sleep when she went to bed, but I heard her texting for an hour.
She hummed while preparing coffee the next morning and pretended everything was wonderful.
I noticed her schedule.
Monday involved coffee with the gym guy.
Wednesday supper with a lawyer, a food truck owner, and I had drinks Friday.
The range was intriguing.
She always came home looking like she had the time of her life.
I checked the Instagram locations she tagged.
Not my proudest moment, but I needed to know the truth.
I drove by the restaurant where she stated she was eating one night.
She was at the bar with a tall suitclad man cracking up.
She held his arm and looked at him like she did at me.
Distance between us.
Her change at home was worse than seeing her with these guys.
She spent less time with me.
No more cuddling.
She texted constantly.
Sunday pancake ritual.
She was meeting the girls for brunch.
I once discussed it with her.
Don’t you think you’re going on a lot of dates?
I asked casually.
She looked at me like a fool.
That’s the whole point of an open relationship, isn’t it?
To meet new people and have experiences.
You should try it, too.
I can help you with your profile if you want.
But I didn’t want profile aid.
Please return my girlfriend.
I wanted the person who used to love ordering pizza and watching lousy movies with me, not this new version who always dressed up and left.
She was getting ready for date number six or seven one night.
I lost track.
I couldn’t stand it.
I went on a walk to clear my brain and ended up at this picnic spot.
I sat there for two hours contemplating how quickly everything had fallen apart.
Natalie’s messages buzzed my phone.
Hope you’re okay.
Don’t wait.
Have such a great time.
She twisted the knife with each message.
She tried to tell me about her date the next day, how hilarious he was, and how he took her to this great new restaurant.
Standing, I left the room.
Following me, she seemed bewildered.
I thought you were okay with this,” she asked, shocked. ”
Yeah, maybe I’m not,” I answered. ”
But you could be dating, too.
You’re choosing to stay home and be miserable.”
That’s when I understood she didn’t understand.
She didn’t get that I didn’t want additional dates.
I wanted her, her old self.
He liked our boring, normal existence together.
Three weeks had passed since she started this open relationship thing.
Three weeks of watching her dress up for other guys and lying awake wondering where she was, what she was doing, and who she was with.
My thoughts went crazy for three weeks.
I assumed she’d understand how foolish she sounded.
I kept waiting for her to wake up and realize how ridiculous this was and what she was throwing away.
But she didn’t.
Without hesitation, not guilty.
She took pride in it.
She moved around like she had discovered a higher level of dating that we were too foolish to understand.
Worst part, I couldn’t comprehend why.
It seemed she liked me.
Why burn it all down?
Why say we didn’t have enough?
It finally clicked.
This was unfixable.
No return.
The end was irreversible.
For once, I wasn’t sure I cared.
I was inspired by the thought of her living her life carefree while I was drowning in it.
I wanted her to regret everything.
Show her what she threw away.
I had no plan yet.
I knew I wouldn’t suffer while she had fun.
I didn’t know what to do next, but I needed to chat.
Someone who would realize how messed up this was.
Olivia started visiting more often.
Olivia Natalie’s best friend since college freshman year was Olivia.
She came to movie nights, helped us move furniture, and brought soup when someone was sick.
One of those genuine people, you know.
Being a kindergarten teacher suits her because she makes everyone feel heard and important.
I always saw her as Natalie’s friend.
Though pretty, long brown hair, green eyes, constantly smiling.
I put her in the buddy zone.
In addition, she had dated Daniel for two years.
However, they split months ago.
She first came over after Natalie started her open relationship to borrow mixing bowls for a birthday cake.
Natalie went out with a new guy and Olivia sensed something was up with me.
You look terrible, she stated directly.
What’s going on?
Although I didn’t intend to tell her everything, it happened.
How Natalie announced open relationships to me.
How she dated various males practically every night.
I felt crazy witnessing it all.
Olivia sat listening.
Truly listening, not just waiting for her to speak.
She shook her head after I finished.
Not an open relationship, she remarked.
That’s just Natalie doing whatever she wants without caring how it affects you.
Something about hearing it from someone else made me less insane.
After that, Olivia visited more often, generally while Natalie was dating, watching movies, ordering takeout, just hanging around.
Talking to someone was nice.
someone who understood us and the situation.
Confession.
Olivia appeared concerned one night after Natalie had been exploring for a month.
I saw her fiddle with her jewelry when she was concerned.
I need to tell you something, she whispered from across the couch.
And it might make things weird, but I can’t keep pretending.
My stomach flipped strangely.
Maybe I knew what was coming.
I’ve had feelings for you for a long time, she replied, holding her hands.
Like since before you and Natalie even got together.
But you were with her and she’s my best friend, so I never said anything.
I started dating Daniel, hoping it would help me get over it, but she replied.
It didn’t work.
I sat there trying to comprehend.
Olivia, Olivia, kind, funny, lovely, had affections for me.
How could I miss that?
She assisted me in Natalie’s gift selection.
Natalie, who was undecided about a meaningful relationship with me.
Natalie seldom texted to check in, but Olivia made me homemade chicken soup when I was unwell.
Was I blind the whole time?
You don’t have to say anything, she said hurriedly.
I just needed you to know.
Watching Natalie treat you like this, seeing how much it’s hurting you, it’s been killing me.
You deserve better than this.
I regarded her.
Really regarded her.
Her eyes shown in that modest green sweater.
Her hair was in an easy sloppy bun that made her seem prettier.
I was puzzled how I hadn’t noticed before.
Still, Natalie’s actions haunted me.
She believed I’d wait like a devoted idiot while she walked around with multiple guys.
Like I was a safety net, available whenever she was bored.
It was her biggest error.
She was out there doing what she wanted, assuming I’d be there when she returned.
Nah, for me, that chapter ended.
I no longer followed her rules.
My game was personal.
I shot my shot.
I breathed deeply, feeling that shift.
the moment when I took charge. ”
Olivia,” I said, surprised by my steady voice.
She sat closer on the couch. ”
I know this is complicated.
I know I’m probably making everything worse by telling you this, but seeing you so unhappy these past few weeks, I just couldn’t stay quiet anymore. ”
She kissed me, leaning in, kissing me, should have stopped.
I should have considered Natalie, our friendship, and how complicated this would be.
So, I kissed her back, not simply a kiss.
We slept together.
This was different.
Olivia noticed me.
She liked me.
She noticed my countenance shift, inquired what I was thinking and cared.
After resting in the dark, I processed it.
This had gone far.
How everything changed, knowing I slept with my girlfriend’s best friend.
It should have felt like crossing a line.
But all I could think about was how good that felt.
This was no meaningless rebound, an impetuous mistake.
She turned, raising herself on her elbow, looking at me.
What are we going to do?
She inquired quietly but steadily.
Staring at the ceiling, I sighed.
I should have replied.
I should have felt guilt, conflict, etc.
I only felt relief.
After weeks of choking in Natalie’s wreckage, I could breathe.
I don’t know, I said.
Olivia paused, then asked.
I don’t regret it.
Do you?
That insane thing?
I didn’t.
Not even briefly.
I saw things clearly for the first time since this open relationship tragedy began.
Our demise wasn’t my fault.
I did not break trust.
Maybe I deserve someone who wants me, just me.
Natalie’s going to lose it when she finds out, remarked I. Probably, Olivia said.
But isn’t it funny how she thinks it’s perfectly fine for her to date other people, but the idea of you doing the same would drive her crazy.
It was her point.
And then I thought, maybe Natalie should take her medicine.
I didn’t tell Natalie about Olivia immediately.
Part of me wanted to watch her reaction to hints first.
Maybe that was petty.
After seeing her show off with different guys for weeks, I thought she deserved to experience that.
After Olivia left, Natalie returned from staying at Hannah’s place.
Hannah was probably Lucas, but whatever.
She chatted about her girlfriend’s night while pouring coffee.
The first hint was dropped then.
Oh, Olivia stopped by last night.
I casually said we had a really good talk.
Natalie’s coffee pot grasp froze.
Olivia was here.
Yeah, we hung out for a while.
She’s really easy to talk to, you know.
Natalie dropped her coffee mug too hard, spilling some on the counter.
What did you guys talk about?
Just stuff.
I shrugged.
Life, relationships, feelings.
It was nice.
Her expression was priceless.
Her next hour was spent contacting someone, likely trying to gain specifics from Olivia while pretending to watch TV with me.
She looked at me every few minutes trying to figure out what occurred.
Over the next 3 days, I mentioned Olivia more.
She was hilarious.
Her genuine understanding how we texted.
Natalie would always have a tight look like she was trying not to respond but couldn’t.
Natalie almost ran across the couch when I smiled at my phone while emailing Olivia one morning. ”
Who are you texting?”
she inquired, failing spectacularly at casualness. ”
Just Olivia,” I said.
She’s really into this new show I recommended.
Natalie tried to grin but seemed in anguish.
You guys have been talking a lot lately.
Yeah, she’s great to talk to.
Really gets me, you know.
Natalie started checking my phone when I left it sitting around.
She thought she was sneaking, but I caught her browsing through my text when I was in the bathroom or kitchen.
The amusing part, I removed all Olivia related evidence.
I left enough pleasant text to make her suspicious and insane.
Natalie began appearing at my known locations.
I would mention getting coffee at this cafe near work and she would simply show up.
Or she would arrive an hour after I said I was meeting friends at a bar, saying she was in the neighborhood.
Best part, self-d cancellations began.
She suddenly came home more.
I want to watch movies, cook dinner together.
It was like witnessing someone mark their territory without acknowledging it.
She came straight out with it after many attempts to get closer, which I always blocked.
Are you seeing someone else?
Isn’t that kind of the point of an open relationship?
I asked.
To see other people.
Yeah.
But who is it?
Is it Olivia?
Are you sleeping with Olivia?
I only answered.
I thought we weren’t supposed to share details about our other partners.
Isn’t that what you said when I asked about your dates?
Natalie faltered.
She looked at my Instagram followers, likes, and online interactions.
She obsessively read Olivia’s social media posts and stories.
Olivia’s coffee shop selfie was the final blow.
Coffee establishment where I have my morning coffee.
Natalie rang me immediately.
Are you with Olivia right now?
Natalie, I’m at work.
But you always get coffee at that place in the morning.
Did you meet her there?
Let her panic.
Then said, “That coffee shop has like a thousand customers every day.
People can go to the same coffee shop without it meaning anything.”
Natalie wasn’t convinced.
She often asked where I was heading, the person I saw, what I did.
She demanded to know my every move after weeks of arriving home late from dates and never telling me who she was with.
Olivia laughed at Natalie’s behavior when I told her.
We met discreetly at her house so Natalie wouldn’t see us.
I quickly lost my doubts about hooking up with her and felt justified.
She really can’t handle not being in control, can she?
Olivia asked one night while we sat on her couch.
Okay.
Nope, I said.
And the best part, she can’t even complain about it without admitting she never actually wanted an open relationship.
She just wanted permission to cheat.
Natalie switched tactics.
One night at home, she dropped a bomb that changed everything.
Closed relationship proposal.
I think we should close the relationship again.
I saw Natalie sit on our couch appearing serious and anxious, telling me we should focus on us again.
The same person who had been dating randomly for weeks was now sitting there acting like she was helping me.
I think we’ve explored enough, she murmured, taking my hand, pulling it away.
We could go back to how things were before.
Just you and me.
It made me laugh.
Just you and me?
Like the past few weeks never happened.
Well, yeah, she answered, confused by my response.
Isn’t that what you wanted?
You haven’t seemed happy with the open relationship.
I quit playing games then.
You’re right.
I haven’t been happy watching my girlfriend go on dates with a new guy every other night while barely acknowledging my existence.
Her face did this odd thing because she wanted to look empathetic but failed.
I know it was hard for you, but that’s why I’m saying we should close things up again.
We can work on ourselves.
Work on us?
I repeated.
Like how you’ve been working on getting to know half the guys in this city.
That’s not fair.
She defended.
You agreed to the open relationship.
You could have been dating too.
Oh, I have been, I responded, observing her look.
I’ve been seeing someone Natalie pald.
Really pale.
What?
Who?
Does it matter?
Isn’t that what you wanted?
Both of us are exploring and having new experiences.
She leapt from the couch.
Of course, it matters.
Who the hell is it?
How long?
Her eyes expanded.
It’s Olivia, isn’t it?
I sat and let her spiral.
She ran her hands through her hair and paced our living room.
It is Olivia, isn’t it?
That’s why you’ve been talking about her so much.
That’s why she’s been avoiding my calls.
My best friend, leaning back.
Really funny how you’re allowed to sleep with whoever you want, but the moment I do the same, it’s a problem.
But it’s Olivia, she cried.
She’s my best friend.
You can’t sleep with my best friend.
Standing, I looked her in the eye.
Actually, I can.
And I did.
Natalie froze.
She looked at me like she couldn’t believe what she heard.
What did you just say?
I slept with Olivia multiple times, actually.
And you know what?
It was great.
She actually cares about my feelings, which is more than I can say for you lately.
Natalie’s face turned from disbelief to wrath in 2 seconds.
You’re lying.
Olivia would never do that to me.
Really?
Because she did.
Want to know what else?
She’s had feelings for me for years.
Even when she was dating Daniel, she was thinking about me. ”
You’re lying to hurt me,” Natalie remarked.
I saw doubt in her eyes. ”
I’m not.”
I witnessed realization. ”
Remember last Thursday when you were out with that startup guy?”
Natalie nodded slowly.
Olivia came over.
We talked for hours.
Then we slept together.
She sees me as a person, not just some backup plan waiting at home while you live your best life.
Natalie took out her phone, likely to call Olivia.
not believing you.
Olivia would never check your texts with her.
I encouraged notice her recent distance, unresponsive to your messages.
For that reason, she looked through her phone anxiously, possibly seeing Olivia’s ignored messages and short replies in a new light.
This can’t be happening, she said.
This isn’t how this was supposed to go.
Really, how should it go?
You party with other guys while I stay home as the loyal boyfriend?
Was it impossible that I would find someone else?
Not Olivia.
No, Olivia, she shouted.
You knew it would hurt.
Lost it then.
Do you hurt?
How much have you wounded me?
Did you ever consider how it felt to watch you dress up for other guys, come home late smelling like someone else’s fragrance, and barely look at me?
She protested.
That was different.
Those guys didn’t mean anything.
That improve it.
While you had meaningless hookups, I developed serious affections for someone.
I wanted to drop hints to make her feel the heat she gave me.
Staring at me, she paused.
Real feelings.
Yeah, true sentiments.
Olivia and I go beyond physical.
We chat.
We chuckle.
Really care about each other.
When was the last time we talked about something other than dating or new experiences?
Natalie slumped defeated on the couch.
What are you saying?
Want to be with Olivia?
This open relationship situation revealed my true desires.
This person doesn’t ignore me.
Then she cried.
Big dramatic sobs would have worked on me a month ago, but all I could think about was how she hadn’t cried over how much she’d wounded me.
She sobbed.
We can fix this.
We can go back to how things were.
Shaking my head.
We can’t because now I know what it’s like to be valued.
I won’t settle for less.
Natalie did something unexpected then.
She stormed out with her keys.
I’m going to Olivia’s place to sort this out once and for all.
Natalie slammed the door, so I grabbed my phone to tell Olivia.
I told her Natalie was coming and she said, “Let her come.”
Olivia’s always been serene.
Nothing shakes her.
I offered support by coming over. ”
No,” Olivia responded. ”
I must handle this.
10 years is my best friend.
I owe her a lot.”
I spent the next hour pacing around our apartment, checking my phone every 2 minutes.
It felt uncomfortable, like when a storm is coming and the air gets thick.
Olivia called finally shakily.
She came screaming.
Olivia said my neighbors undoubtedly heard everything.
She kept screaming about how I betrayed her, was a bad friend, and planned this.
You said what?
He told her the truth.
That I had feelings for you for years, but never acted on them since she was my friend.
Watching mom treat you like garbage these last weeks made me realize she never deserved us.
Our relationship wasn’t intended, but I don’t regret it.
Natalie didn’t like that.
She tried to force into my apartment, stating she needed to see whether you were there.
She accused me of hiding you when I blocked the door.
She’s completely lost it, Olivia added.
She listed all the random occasions we hung out to illustrate we’d been sneaking around for months.
She even mentioned your couch moving help last year, like when she was too busy working to help.
Natalie seemed to think any encounter with Olivia and I was evidence of an affair.
Olivia brought me soup when I had the flu, a cover for hooking up.
Our group movie nights are just an opportunity to get close.
She began crying, Olivia said, like sliding down my doorframe crying.
Claim she never intended this.
My neighbor checked on me.
It was humiliating.
After Mrs. Chen threatened to call the police over the disturbance, Natalie left.
She told Olivia she’d ruined everything and would never forgive her.
Natalie returned to our house 20 minutes after my call with Olivia.
She looked awful.
She entered and saw me sending Olivia updates on my phone and lost it.
Are you texting her now?
Plan your next gathering.
Since when have you two laughed at me behind my back?
Natalie, no one’s laughing at you.
You harmed yourself.
I did nothing.
I suggested an open relationship to strengthen us, she cried, tossing her pocketbook across the room.
I never told you to sleep with my best buddy.
No, I said you just wanted permission to sleep with whoever you wanted while keeping me as your backup plan.
She grabbed our photos and gifts and put them in a box.
I’m staying with Hannah, my true pal.
Someone who wouldn’t backstab me.
Fine by me, I add.
Take whatever you want.
That paused her.
Just that.
Not even try to stop me.
Would I?
You’ve stated that you value something other than me or our relationship.
She stopped packing and sat on the couch, visibly shrinking.
I believed you would always be there.
That no matter who I dated, you’d be there when I settled down.
The truth ultimately emerged.
She experimented without me, but I was her backup plan and promised a happy ending.
Well, you guessed wrong, I informed her.
I’m not a puppy waiting by the door while you have fun.
I have emotions.
I deserve more than second place.
But you weren’t my second pick.
I adore you.
No, Natalie, you adore having me around when convenient.
Differences exist.
Her wailing resumed, but I didn’t feel anything.
Not wanting to soo her.
Not guilty, nothing.
Emptiness.
I’ll get the rest of my stuff tomorrow, she said, taking up her box.
I can’t be here right now.
After she departed, I called Olivia.
Just hearing her voice calmed me.
That night, we chatted about Natalie, ourselves, and the future for hours.
Some of their mutual friends were already taking sides, with most dubbing Olivia a backstabber without knowing the full tale.
I don’t care, she said.
Think what you want.
I know reality.
In my half empty apartment, I noticed Natalie’s stuff were gone.
I was relieved, like I could breathe again.
I urged Olivia, “Come over.
Settle with me.” ”
Yes,” she agreed.
I was done caring.
The next morning, Natalie picked up her items.
She brought Hannah and two other unfamiliar pals.
Natalie had told them her story, so they looked at me like I was the bad person while helping her pack.
I bought your Xbox for your birthday,” she remarked, unplugging it. ”
Fine, take it.
I didn’t care anymore.”
Olivia arrived halfway through packing after reading between the lines when I texted her about coffee.
Natalie’s pals whispered when Olivia entered, but Olivia ignored them and offered me my coffee. ”
Really?
You’ll show me this?”
Natalie snapped.
Olivia remarked, “Nobody’s flaunting anything.
I’m just here to support my boyfriend.”
Neither of us had used the word before.
Natalie appeared slapped.
Packing got faster after that.
Natalie’s companions rushed around gathering belongings likely to get her out before another meltdown.
After finishing, Natalie stood in the doorway. ”
I really loved you,” she whispered. ”
No,” I said. ”
You liked having me on call.
Differences exist.”
Olivia helped tidy up after they departed. ”
You okay?”
she questioned, watching me put Natalie’s stuff in a donation box.
Yeah, first time in months I am.
Two weeks later.
Life has changed since then.
Better.
Olivia and I are doing things right, but slowly.
We had coffee at Natalie’s favorite restaurant last weekend and saw other pals, ignored us completely.
Olivia smiled and squeezed my hand.
Natalie continues to tell everyone how I cheated.
Olivia betrayed her and we always desired each other.
Some believe her.
Important people don’t.
Olivia brought over her kindergarter’s artwork to decorate my fridge yesterday.
Too empty, she said.
I noticed something in those crayon drawings.
This is my wish.
Someone who notices details.
Who cares about warming my place?
Who brings coffee because I didn’t answer her text?
Instead, I graded Olivia’s class papers while we watched her new favorite mystery show.
Simple, normal, real.
Looking back, Natalie’s open relationship suggestion was almost helpful.
Because that wasn’t a good idea, but because it revealed my ideal companion.
Someone picks me first.
Not just when convenient.
The thing about life, the worst choices can lead to the best locations for me to the proper person.
She was always there.
Edit: Thanks, Reddit, for your support.
Olivia is reading this over my shoulder, chuckling at my description of her.
She’s constantly happy.
By the way, she says hello.
I Moved Out After My Fiancé Let His Mother Take Over Our Home
Me, F29, and my ex fiance, M27, have been living together for about 1.5 years.
Fiance got his undergraduate degree, worked for a couple years, and then decided to get an MBA, which is how he ended up in our city.
We moved in together after he finished his MBA program.
fianceé is from the Midwest and his mom has always wanted him to move back.
When he told her he was staying here, she was heartbroken.
I went to college and got my degree in a STEM field.
After I graduated, I got a job with my current company and moved to the city where we currently live.
It’s a big international company with multiple locations in the US and internationally.
I love my job.
I like the company I work for and the pay is pretty good.
All in all, a pretty good deal.
During CO, my office shut down and we all went WFH.
After CO, they decided not to reopen this office.
So, I’ve been 100% WFH since early 2020.
I currently make considerably more than him, mainly because I’ve been working for 7 years, and I’m in tech.
I had been living by myself in a one-bedroom apartment and just had my office set up in the living room since it was just me.
When we moved in together, we decided to get a two-bedroom apartment so I could use the extra room as an office.
Because of this, I was paying two/3s of the rent and he paid one-third.
We split everything else 50/50.
So, the problem started this past May.
Fiance’s mom told him she wanted to move to our city to be closer to him.
She asked if she could stay with us while she looked for a job and got settled.
She’s a teacher, so figured she’d be able to get a teaching job pretty quickly.
Because of that, I didn’t really mind her staying with us as I figured it would just be for a couple months over the summer.
Since I thought it would only be for a couple months, I moved my office into a corner of our bedroom and my fianceé bought a bed to put in the second bedroom.
The problem is she never applied for any teaching positions and has been living with us for 6 months now.
She and I have really been struggling with each other since she moved in.
I can’t make her understand that I work full-time.
She constantly interrupts while I’m working, which is bad enough, but she even interrupts when I’m on team calls.
She always asks me to take her places because she doesn’t like to drive in our city.
She has pretty outdated views of gender roles and is constantly giving me a hard time for not doing more around the house and making fiance help with chores, do his own laundry, etc.
The constant criticism and insults are just really wearing me down.
And I hate having my office shoved in a corner of the bedroom.
Back in September, I told my fiance that since it looks like his mom is going to stay a while, we should split the rent three ways.
He told me she can’t afford that since she has to conserve money until she gets a job.
I told him I wasn’t happy paying extra for a bedroom I can’t use.
So, finally he said we could do a 50/50 split.
I could afford to pay the extra, but I hate the idea of funding her lifestyle.
Every time I complain about her or the situation, he says he agrees, but doesn’t know what to do because he can’t kick out his mom.
And he won’t talk to her about the way she treats me or how she behaves.
When I ask what the long-term plan is, he just says he doesn’t know.
I’ve thought about giving him an ultimatum to tell her she has to leave, but I think he’d just end up resenting me for essentially putting him mom on the street.
So, one of my girlfriends is losing her roommate at the end of February.
Our lease renews June 1st.
I’m very strongly considering moving out of our current apartment and moving in with her.
I can afford to pay part of the rent on our current apartment and also half the rent at my friend’s apartment.
It’s not ideal, but I’m not a big spender, so it’s doable.
The issue is if he and his mom aren’t able to pay for one-third the rent each, there’s no way they could cover the whole thing on their own.
But I can’t live like this anymore.
So, I’m pretty sure this is what I’ll do.
But I wanted to see if people thought I’d be the ah for leaving them like this.
Comments.
Comment one.
His mom is the biggest A because she specifically planned this.
It isn’t that she’s had bad luck.
She didn’t even apply.
Add in that she didn’t respect your workplace and insults you.
She’s basically trying to be the matriarch of the house while being a complete mooch.
The biggest problem is your fianceé.
This is just a glimpse of your future with a mama’s boy.
He’s made it clear that he’s okay with her walking all over you and she’s not leaving.
You’re going to end up as a third wheel in your own marriage.
Comment duar.
His mom is taking advantage and your fiance isn’t setting boundaries.
It’s a big concern for the future.
You deserve better.
NTA comment three.
Exactly.
This OP, you’re not leaving them.
You’re escaping a situation that was never fair to you in the first place.
His mom didn’t just end up staying.
She chose not to apply for jobs.
And your fianceé chose to let her.
Meanwhile, you’ve been paying the majority of the rent, lost your office, and now you’re stuck in your own home with someone who disrespects you daily.
If he wanted to build a life with you, he would have had a plan for this months ago.
Instead, you’re the only one being asked to sacrifice.
Time to choose yourself because they already have.
Comment four.
And be prepared for them to be upset because they are losing their money bags.
They were using you and had absolutely no respect for you or neither one of them.
If you don’t leave, you will be the ah comment five.
I’m a teacher, an old retired teacher.
I could substitute teach everyday this week if I wanted to do so.
I still get requests to app interview for both public school and private school jobs.
Patricia could work if she wanted to work.
I’m in my late 60s and drive all over and in Mexico and Europe on vacation.
She is needlessly helpless.
Comment six.
Good news.
You discovered your fianceé is a mama’s boy before you got legally entangled.
The price is 3 months of paying double rent.
Sucks, but much cheaper than a divorce, alimony, child support, and years of therapy because of dealing with that kind of meal.
Mommy wanted to prove her darling boy would pick her and take care of her.
So, she moved in and proved it.
He won’t stand up to her.
Sadly, unless he gets some serious therapy and figures out how to unmesh, he’s never going to.
So, tell him flat out, “Mommy wins.”
She gets her widow boy back, you will find a grown man.
You’ll pay your portion of the rent for the next few months, but you’re letting the landlord know you will not be renewing and do not use your income for renewal for him and mommy.
I’m sorry you have to deal with this.
You did what you could, but unless he wants to grow up, you’re going to spend decades hearing how you don’t cook right, clean right, raise your kids, spend money, vacation wrong, and have bad values.
She, of course, knows better.
Don’t do that to yourself.
And maybe, just maybe, this will make him realize he’s got to get off mommy’s titty if he ever wants a life of his own.
Update 5 days later.
I posted here last week about the situation I’m in living with my soon to be ex- fiance and his mom.
I started off trying to reply to everyone’s comments and keep up.
But honestly, I just got completely overwhelmed with all the comments.
First off, I want to thank everyone for their feedback and comments, even the ones that were kind of harsh.
Actually, probably especially the ones that were kind of harsh.
I really needed some tough love to make me realize that I was letting my STBX and his mom take advantage of me.
The more comments I read, the more pissed off I got.
Honestly, I think I’m more pissed at myself for allowing this to happen and not advocating for myself more.
This past weekend, I got my STBX alone so we could talk, which was actually harder than it should have been.
BC, his mom always tries to tag along when we do anything.
Going through all the comments everyone left and the PMs people sent really helped me decide how to approach this and also brought up a lot of good questions I should have thought of myself.
Back to the discussion with the ex, I wanted to give him one more chance to pick us over his mom.
Not because I thought he would, but I just wanted to be able to tell myself I give him the opportunity.
I explained again about how unhappy I am with the situation, how it’s affecting my work because of her constant interruptions and just being unhappy and uncomfortable that I’m forced to work out of a corner in our bedroom.
And I reminded him that until a few months ago, I was paying the majority of the rent.
And being that I make so much more than him, it’s really my salary that keeps us all afloat.
And I also brought up again the way she treats me and talks to me.
and he replied the same way he has been.
He agrees it’s not right how she acts and that it’s really uncomfortable for us all.
WTF I don’t care if she’s uncomfortable.
Previously, I would have dropped it there.
But this time, I told him how angry and disappointed I was that he let me pay for twothirds of the rent when she first moved and how unfair it was that I’m still paying for half when there are three people living there and she is the only one with her own bedroom.
It was the same story.
She has to conserve money since she doesn’t have any income currently.
Which brought up the question of where all her stuff went when she moved.
What money does she use for incidentals?
So evidently when she got divorced, she asked for the divorce after my ex went off to college.
It doesn’t sound like her husband ex’s dad wanted the divorce.
His dad bought her out of the equity in their house.
Ex didn’t have any idea how much that was or how much is left.
But until she moved here, she was working full-time as a teacher and living in a small apartment.
So, she should not have had to tap into the divorce settlement money very much.
Other than that, ex didn’t have much insight into her finances other than what she told him that she has to conserve money.
I told him straight up that I’m moving out before the end of the month.
And from now on, I’m only paying 25%.
As some of the commenters pointed out, she has a whole bedroom while I have to share with a manchild.
So, she should have to pay twice as much.
And after I move out, I’m not paying for anything else.
No utilities, no food, nothing other than rent.
I have a pretty idea what his finances are like.
And if he has to pay 75% of the rent all by himself, it’s going to take a huge chunk of his net income.
And after he pays utilities and buys groceries, there won’t be anything left for incidentals.
Rent was due on the 1st, but it’s not late until after the 5th.
So, he has two days to come up with the dollars.
If he doesn’t come up with it and I end up covering, then I’ll reduce the amount I pay in future months.
The only reason I’m going to keep paying any of the rent is even after I move out, I’m still on the hook.
I talked to the leasing office and they explained that since X and I signed a single rental agreement together, eg one contract we both signed as opposed to two contracts we signed individually, we are both responsible for the rent.
They don’t care who actually pays as long as it gets paid.
The only alternative would be if he agrees to sign a new lease by himself or together with his mom.
But in all likelihood, he wouldn’t be able to pass the credit check on his own.
So, I’m kind of stuck.
I don’t think he’ll do anything stupid, though, because he’s going to need to find some place to live after this, and a collection on his credit report wouldn’t be good.
I also told him that I’m going to find some place to work during the day until I move, so she can’t bother me.
My friend I’m moving in with said I could work there during the day since she and her current roommate have in person 9 to5s.
I took her up on that for now.
After living with his mom, I’m not about to overstay my welcome, so I’m going to find some other options that I can rotate through.
Someone suggested checking out the public library or if it comes to it, I’ll get a membership at one of those we work kind of places just in case.
I brought my important papers, files, valuables, and my friend is storing them for me until I move in.
He really didn’t take it well.
The surprising thing to me is that he was surprised by everything.
He seemed really shocked that I wasn’t prioritizing his mom.
I really got the feeling that he sincerely believed I wanted to take care of her as much as him.
And he kept saying stuff like, “What about my mom?
What am I going to tell her?
that’s how she is, but we still need to help her, etc.
He asked about our relationship and the engagement.
I told him after I moved out, I needed some space from him in a few months when we’ve both had some time space to process what happened.
If we both agree, we can talk about the relationship, but he’d have to prove that he’s going to have my back going forward and we’ll set boundaries with his mom.
I told him that just to avoid more drama, but I don’t see a future in which we are together.
I told him he needs to tell his mom because she’s not my responsibility or problem.
and she’ll know something when I start moving my stuff out.
He hasn’t told her what’s going on yet, but this weekend I’m going to start moving things, so he doesn’t have much time.
My friend’s current roommate starts a new job in another state on the 3, so in reality, I can probably move in two to 3 weeks, just depending on when she actually leaves.
I don’t expect him to do anything bad other than sulk and complain.
But if he does something stupid or doesn’t pay his part of the rent, the ace up my sleeve is I’ll tell the leasing office his mom moved in, which is prohibited in the lease.
Honestly, getting evicted would solve a lot of my problems right now.
So, it’s a pretty valid threat, I think.
Now that I’ve mentally and emotionally separated myself from him and his mom, I’m looking forward to her reaction when he tells her what’s going on.
If it gets too ugly, I’ll find a cheap AB and be or hotel or something.
I’ve had some friends, including the one I’m moving in with, offer to let me couch surf for a few weeks, but I just can’t do that to someone else.
So, that’s it.
I’m leaving and I really don’t care how that affects them.
Comments.
Comment one, you’re at the end of a long and painful process, but I’m sure that you will be better for it.
Good luck.
Comment two, dude should really just marry his mom.
Comment three, notify your landlord in writing that you are moving out and to take you off the lease after June 1st.
You wouldn’t want to do nothing and accidentally trigger an automatic renewal.
Oop, already did that.
I did it before I went to talk to the front office and confirmed that they received it while I was down there.