My husband cheated on me with a male partner, and when I confronted him, his excuse shattered me and my 14-year-old daughter. The worst part, that partner was my uncle. My name is Amber, and I’m 38 years old. I thought I had the perfect life. A loving husband named Derek, a beautiful daughter named Lily, a nice house in the suburbs of Portland.

I worked as a dental hygienist. Dererick was a software engineer. We weren’t rich, but we were comfortable, happy, or so I thought. It all started 3 months ago on a Tuesday evening. I came home early from work because my last appointment canceled. The house was quiet when I walked in. Dererick’s car was in the driveway, which was unusual for 400 p.m. on a weekday.

I called out his name. No answer. Then I heard it. A sound coming from our bedroom upstairs. Not the sound you’re thinking. It was laughter. Deep masculine laughter. Two voices. My heart started pounding. I kicked off my shoes and walked up the stairs as quietly as I could. The bedroom door was slightly open. I could see shadows moving inside.

I pushed the door open. Dererick was sitting on our bed, fully clothed, thank God. But he wasn’t alone. Next to him, also fully clothed, was my uncle Marcus. They both jumped when I walked in. “Amber,” Dererick said. his face going white. “You’re home early. What’s going on?” I asked, looking between them. Something felt wrong, but I couldn’t put my finger on it yet. Marcus stood up quickly.

“He’s my mom’s younger brother, only 42. He’s always been the cool uncle, the one who brought expensive gifts for Lily, who helped us when we needed money for the down payment on our house. I should go,” Marcus said, not meeting my eyes. “No,” I said, blocking the doorway. “Someone tell me what’s happening right now.

” Dererick ran his hands through his hair. He does that when he’s nervous. It’s not what you think. I don’t know what to think, I said. Why are you two in our bedroom in the middle of the day? That’s when I noticed it. Dererick’s laptop was open on the bed. I could see the screen from where I was standing. Bank statements, lots of them.

Are you having money problems? I asked. Is that what this is about? Marcus finally looked at me. There was something in his eyes I’d never seen before. Guilt. Deep crushing guilt. Amber, sit down, Dererick said. I don’t want to sit down. I want to know what’s going on. Derrick took a deep breath. Marcus and I have been seeing each other.

The words didn’t make sense at first. Seeing each other like dating, but they were both men. Dererick was my husband. Marcus was my uncle. My brain couldn’t process it. What do you mean seeing each other? We’ve been in a relationship, Marcus said quietly. For 2 years. 2 years. 2 years. I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach.

I actually had to grab the door frame to stay standing. You’ve been having an affair with my uncle. I said to Derek, “For 2 years? I’m sorry,” Dererick said. “I never meant for this to happen.” “Never meant for it to happen.” My voice was rising. “How do you accidentally have an affair for 2 years?” “With my uncle?” That’s when I heard it.

A small gasp from the hallway. I turned around and saw Lily standing there, her backpack still on her shoulders. She’d come home from school and heard everything. “Dad,” she said, her voice small and broken. Dererick stood up immediately. “Lily, sweetheart, don’t,” she said, backing away. “Don’t come near me.” She ran to her room and slammed the door.

I heard the lock click. I turned back to Derek and Marcus. Get out, I said to Marcus. Get out of my house right now. Amber, let me explain. Marcus started. Explain? I screamed. You’ve been sleeping with my husband. My husband? You sat at our Christmas table. You held my daughter when she was a baby.

You were at our wedding and this whole time you were I couldn’t finish the sentence. I was shaking so hard I thought I might collapse. Marcus grabbed his jacket and left without another word. I heard the front door close. Dererick was still standing by the bed looking at me with those eyes I used to love. Brown eyes that used to make me feel safe.

Now they just made me sick. When did you know? I asked. When did you know you were gay? I’m not gay. Dererick said. You’re having an affair with a man with my uncle. How are you not gay? I’m bisexual. He said I’ve always been attracted to both men and women. I thought I could ignore it. I thought marrying you, having a family, would make those feelings go away.

So, you used me? I asked. Our entire marriage was a lie. No, Dererick said quickly. I love you, Amber. I really do. You and Lily are everything to me. Then why? I asked. Why would you do this? Dererick sat back down on the bed. He looked defeated. Broken, but I didn’t care. He deserved to be broken. It started at your dad’s funeral, he said.

My dad d!ed 2 years ago. Heart attack. He was only 63. It was sudden and devastating. The funeral was the worst day of my life. Or so I thought. Marcus came to the house after. Dererick continued. Everyone had left. You were upstairs with Lily. He and I were alone in the kitchen. We were both drunk. We were both sad.

And it just happened. It just happened. I repeated flatly. And then it kept happening for 2 years. We tried to stop, Dererick said multiple times. But every time we’d see each other at family events, the feelings would come back. It’s like an addiction, Amber. I know that sounds like an excuse, but it’s the truth.

You know what the worst part is? I said, “Not that you cheated. Not that you’re bisexual. The worst part is that it was Marcus, my uncle, my family. You destroyed my entire family. I know, Dererick said. I know, and I’m so sorry. Sorry doesn’t fix this. I said, sorry doesn’t change what you did. I walked out of the room and went to Lily’s door.

I knocked softly. Lily, honey, can I come in? No answer. Please, baby. I need to know you’re okay. After a long moment, I heard the lock click. I opened the door slowly. Lily was sitting on her bed, tears streaming down her face. She looked so young right then, so vulnerable. I sat down next to her and pulled her into my arms.

Is dad gay? she asked into my shoulder. He says he’s bisexual, I said. What does that mean? It means he’s attracted to both men and women. Is that why he did it? Because he likes men. I don’t know, baby. I really don’t know. We sat like that for a long time, just holding each other and crying.

Eventually, I heard Dererick’s footsteps on the stairs. The front door opened and closed. His car started. He was leaving. Good. I couldn’t look at him right now. That night, I called my sister Rachel. She’s 3 years older than me and has always been my rock. I told her everything. He what? She screamed into the phone with Marcus.

Are you serious? right now. I wish I wasn’t. I said, “Does mom know?” “Not yet. I can’t tell her.” “Not yet. She’ll be devastated. She needs to know.” Amber Marcus is her brother. I know, but I need time. I need to figure out what I’m going to do. Rachel came over the next morning. She took one look at me and immediately pulled me into a hug.

“You look terrible,” she said. “Thanks,” I said with a weak laugh. “Where’s Derek?” Hotel, I guess. He hasn’t called. Good. Let him rot. Rachel made me coffee and sat with me at the kitchen table while Lily got ready for school. I told her I had the flu and that Rachel was helping out.

I couldn’t tell her I’d been up all night crying. Are you going to divorce him? Rachel asked. I don’t know. I can’t think straight right now. Everything I thought I knew about my life is a lie. What about Marcus? Have you talked to him? No. I blocked his number. Mom’s going to notice if you suddenly stop bringing Lily to family dinners.

I don’t care. I can’t see him. I can’t see any of them and pretend everything’s fine. Lily came downstairs, her backpack slung over her shoulder. Her eyes were red and puffy. She’d been crying, too. Mom, I don’t want to go to school. She said, “Honey, you need to go. It’ll help take your mind off things.

Everyone’s going to know.” Dad probably told everyone already. “No one knows,” I said firmly. “This is our private business.” But I was wrong. So, so wrong. 3 days later, I got a call from my mom. She was crying so hard I could barely understand her. Mom, what’s wrong? Is someone hurt? How could you? She sobbed.

How could you do this to Marcus? My bl00d ran cold. What are you talking about? Dererick told me everything. He said you’ve been pushing Marcus away from the family. That you’re trying to turn everyone against him. He what? Dererick came to see me yesterday. He said you’re having a breakdown. that you’re being paranoid and accusing Marcus of terrible things.

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Dererick was trying to get ahead of the story. He was making me look like the crazy one. Mom, that’s not true. Dererick and Marcus have been having an affair. I caught them. There was a long silence. That’s ridiculous. Mom said finally. Marcus isn’t gay. He’s dated plenty of women.

He’s also been with Derek for 2 years. I saw them. Mom, they admitted it. You’re lying. Mom said, her voice turning cold. You’re making this up because you’re jealous. You’ve always been jealous of the relationship I have with Marcus. Jealous? I screamed. Mom, he slept with my husband, your son-in-law, your granddaughter’s father.

I don’t believe you, Mom said. Derek wouldn’t do that. Marcus wouldn’t do that. You’re having some kind of breakdown, Amber. You need help. She hung up. I sat there staring at my phone, completely numb. My own mother didn’t believe me. Dererick had gotten to her first and poisoned her against me. I called Marcus.

He picked up on the second ring. What did you tell my mother? I demanded nothing, Marcus said. I haven’t talked to her. Liar. Dererick went to see her. He told her I’m having a breakdown. That I’m making things up about you two. Marcus was quiet for a moment. Dererick did that without telling me. So, you’re going to let him make me look crazy? You’re going to let him destroy my relationship with my own mother? What do you want me to do, Amber? Tell the whole family the truth.

Destroy my relationship with everyone I love? You should have thought about that before you started sleeping with my husband, I said and hung up. That night, Dererick came back to the house. He used his key and walked right in like he still lived there. We need to talk, he said. Get out, I said. You don’t live here anymore. This is my house, too. I have a right to be here.

You lost that right when you cheated on me. I’m not leaving until we talk. Lily appeared at the top of the stairs. Dad, please leave. You’re upsetting mom. Dererick looked up at her. Lily, I need you to understand something. I never stopped loving your mother. I never stopped loving you. What happened with Marcus was a mistake.

A terrible mistake. But it doesn’t change how much I love this family. Then why did you do it? Lily asked, her voice breaking. Why did you ruin everything? Dererick’s face crumpled. For the first time since this all started, he actually looked genuinely remorseful. Because I’m weak, he said.

Because I’ve spent my whole life trying to be something I’m not. And Marcus understood that. He understood the part of me that I’ve been hiding since I was a teenager. So, you’re saying this is mom’s fault? Lily asked. Because she didn’t understand. You? No. Dererick said quickly. This is my fault. All of it.

But I’m begging you both to understand that I never meant to hurt anyone. But you did hurt us. I said, “You hurt us in the worst way possible. And now you’re trying to make me look crazy to my own family. I was trying to protect Marcus.” Dererick said, “If everyone finds out, it’ll destroy him. What about me?” I screamed. What about what this is doing to me? To Lily? Why do you care more about protecting Marcus than protecting your own family? Dererick didn’t have an answer for that.

Get out, I said again. And don’t come back unless I call you. He left. Over the next few weeks, things got worse. Much worse. My mom stopped talking to me completely. She believed Dererick’s story that I was having some kind of mental breakdown. She told other family members. Suddenly, everyone was looking at me differently at family gatherings I forced myself to attend.

Lily was struggling at school. She started having panic attacks. She couldn’t concentrate. Her grades were dropping. I took her to a therapist, but she didn’t want to talk about it. Dererick kept calling, texting, begging me to meet with him. I ignored him. Then, about six weeks after I found out, something happened that changed everything.

I was at work when my phone rang. It was a number I didn’t recognize. I normally wouldn’t answer, but something made me pick up. Is this Amber? A woman’s voice asked. Yes. Who’s this? My name is Rebecca. I think we need to talk about Derek and Marcus. My heart stopped. Who are you? I’m Marcus’s ex-girlfriend. We dated for 3 years.

He broke up with me 8 months ago, and I never understood why until yesterday. What happened yesterday? I saw him with Derek at a restaurant. They were holding hands. I confronted them. Marcus told me everything. I had to sit down. Everything about the affair, about how it started at your father’s funeral, about how they’ve been lying to everyone for 2 years.

Amber, I had no idea Marcus was bisexual. He never told me. And now I’m wondering if our entire relationship was a lie. Welcome to the club, I said bitterly. There’s something else, Rebecca said. Something I think you need to know about why Dererick went to your mother. What do you mean? Marcus told me that Dererick is planning to ask for custody of Lily.

He’s building a case that you’re mentally unstable, that you’re not fit to be a mother. That’s why he went to your family first. He’s trying to turn everyone against you so they’ll support him in court. I felt like I’d been h!t by a truck. He wouldn’t do that. Dererick loves Lily. Marcus said Dererick wants to start fresh.

He wants to be open about who he really is. And apparently Lily knowing about the affair complicates that. If he can get full custody and move away with her, he can start over somewhere new with Marcus. I don’t know. Marcus didn’t say, “But Amber, you need to protect yourself. you need to get a lawyer. I thanked Rebecca and hung up.

Then I immediately called a divorce attorney. Her name was Jennifer Martinez and she specialized in high conflict divorces. I told her everything. This is going to be messy, she said. But I need you to do something for me. I need you to document everything. Every text, every email, every conversation.

If Dererick is planning to go for custody, we need to be prepared. Can he really do that? Can he really take Lily from me? Not if we play this right. But you need to stay calm. Don’t do anything that could be used against you in court. No angry texts, no confrontations, no scenes in public. You need to be the stable, rational parent.

That was easier said than done. I was barely holding it together. That night, I sat Lily down and told her we needed to talk. Are you and dad getting divorced? She asked. I think so, honey. I’m so sorry. It’s not your fault, Lily said. Dad did this, not you. There’s something else. Rebecca, Uncle Marcus’s ex-girlfriend called me today.

She said, “Dad might try to get custody of you.” Lily’s eyes went wide. What? No. I don’t want to live with Dad. Not after what he did. I know, baby. and I’m going to do everything I can to make sure that doesn’t happen, but I need you to be honest with me. Has dad said anything to you about moving away or starting over?” Lily looked down at her hands. He texted me last week.

He said he wants us to move to California together. He said it would be a fresh start. What did you tell him? I didn’t respond. I don’t want to move to California. I don’t want to leave you. I pulled her into a hug. You’re not going anywhere. I promise. But I wasn’t sure I could keep that promise. The next day, Dererick showed up at the house again.

This time, he wasn’t alone. Marcus was with him. What are you doing here? I asked, blocking the doorway. We need to talk, Dererick said. All of us. It’s time to put everything on the table. There’s nothing to talk about. You cheated on me with my uncle. You lied to my family. And now you’re trying to take my daughter.

There’s nothing left to say. I’m not trying to take Lily, Dererick said. I would never do that. Rebecca told me everything, I said. About your plans to move to California, about turning my family against me so you’d have support in a custody battle. Dererick looked genuinely confused. What? Amber, I never said any of that. Don’t lie to me. Not anymore.

Marcus stepped forward. Amber, listen. Rebecca is lying. She’s been harassing me since I broke up with her. She’s trying to turn you against Derek. Why would she do that? Because she’s angry, Marcus said. Because I broke her heart. Because she wants revenge. I laughed. It was a harsh, bitter sound.

You’re seriously trying to gaslight me right now, both of you. After everything you’ve done, we’re not gaslighting you, Dererick said. We’re telling the truth. Rebecca is unstable. She’s been sending me threatening messages for weeks. She said if I didn’t get back together with her, she’d ruin my life. Show me the messages, I said.

Dererick pulled out his phone and showed me. There were dozens of messages from Rebecca. Angry, threatening messages. Messages that made her sound completely unhinged. I felt the ground shift under my feet. Was Rebecca lying? Had she manipulated me? This doesn’t change what you did, I said. Even if Rebecca is lying about the custody thing, you still cheated on me.

You still destroyed our family. I know, Dererick said. And I’m not asking for forgiveness. I’m just asking for a chance to explain everything, the whole story, because there’s more to this than you know. I should have said no. I should have slammed the door in their faces, but something in Dererick’s voice made me hesitate. Fine, I said.

You have 10 minutes. We sat in the living room. Lily was upstairs in her room with headphones on. I made sure she couldn’t hear us. Dererick took a deep breath. I need to start at the beginning. Way before Marcus. Way before you. What are you talking about? When I was 16, I was in love with my best friend. His name was Ryan.

We were together in secret for almost a year. Then my parents found out. I’d never heard this story before. Derek never talked about his childhood. What happened? They sent me to conversion therapy, Dererick said quietly. For two years, they told me I was sick, that what I felt was wrong, that I needed to be fixed. I felt my anger wavering slightly.

I didn’t want to feel sympathy for him, but I couldn’t help it. I’m sorry that happened to you, I said. But that doesn’t excuse what you did. I know, but I need you to understand that when I met you, I really thought I was fixed. I thought I could be straight. I thought I could have a normal life. And for a long time, I did.

I was happy with you, Amber. You have to believe that. Then what changed? Marcus spoke up. Your father’s funeral changed everything. Dererick and I got drunk and started talking. Really talking. I told him I was bisexual. I told him I’d been hiding it my whole life and Dererick broke down.

He told me about Ryan, about the conversion therapy, about how he’d been suppressing his feelings for 20 years. “So, you decided to have an affair?” I asked coldly. “We decided to help each other,” Marcus said. “We both felt like we were living lies. We both felt trapped. And that night, we kissed. It was supposed to be just once, just to see what it felt like to be honest about who we were. But it didn’t stop there.

” I said, “No,” Dererick said. It didn’t because that one kiss felt like the first honest thing I’d done in my entire adult life. And I know that’s selfish. I know that’s terrible, but I can’t explain it any other way. I sat there processing everything. Part of me understood. Part of me even sympathized, but the hurt was still there, raw and bleeding. What about now? I asked.

Are you two still together? Dererick and Marcus looked at each other. No, Dererick said. We ended it 3 weeks ago, right after you found out. Why? Because we realized what we were doing was destroying everyone we loved. Marcus said. Dererick’s losing his family. I’ve lost my niece. My sister won’t speak to me.

Our mother thinks we’re both terrible people. And you’re caught in the middle of all of it. So that’s it? I asked. You just ended it after 2 years? It was never about being in love. Dererick said it was about finding someone who understood. But that’s not enough to build a life on, especially not when it’s destroying the lives of everyone around us.

I felt tears burning in my eyes. You should have told me years ago. You should have told me you were struggling with this. We could have figured it out together. We could have gone to therapy. We could have something. Anything but this. I know. Dererick said, “And I will regret that for the rest of my life.” We sat in silence for a long time.

Finally, I spoke. “I think you should leave now, both of you.” They did. That night, I couldn’t sleep. My mind was racing. Everything I thought I understood about Derek, about our marriage, about our life together had been turned upside down. I thought about calling Rebecca, but Jennifer, my lawyer, had advised me not to contact her.

She said if Rebecca was unstable, any contact could make things worse. Instead, I called Rachel. Derek came by. I told her. He told me about his past, about conversion therapy. Rachel was quiet for a moment. Did you know about that? No, he never told me. Amber, I don’t know if I should tell you this, but mom knew. What? When you and Dererick were dating before you got engaged, mom told me that Dererick’s mother had mentioned something about him going through a difficult phase as a teenager.

She didn’t give details, but I always wondered. I felt like I’d been punched in the stomach again. Mom knew Dererick might be bisexual and she never told me. She probably didn’t think it was relevant. She probably thought he’d moved past it or she thought if she didn’t acknowledge it, it would go away, I said bitterly.

What are you going to do? Rachel asked. I don’t know. Dererick says he wants to try to work things out. He says the affair with Marcus is over, but I don’t know if I can trust him again. Do you still love him? I thought about it. Did I? After everything he’d done, everything he’d put me through, did I still love the man I married? I don’t know, I said honestly.

Part of me does, but part of me hates him. That’s normal, Rachel said. You’re grieving. You’re grieving the life you thought you had. She was right. That’s exactly what I was doing. Over the next few weeks, things started to settle into a strange new normal. Derek and I agreed to a trial separation. He moved into an apartment across town.

We set up a custody schedule for Lily. She’d stay with me during the week and visit Dererick on weekends. The first time Lily went to stay with Dererick, I was a mess. I couldn’t stop crying. I kept imagining her being angry with me for splitting up the family. But when she came home on Sunday night, she seemed okay.

Actually, she seemed better than okay. How was it? I asked, trying to sound casual. It was fine, Lily said. We ordered pizza and watched movies. Dad and I talked a lot. About what? About everything. About you? About Uncle Marcus? About why he did what he did. What did he say? Lily sat down on the couch next to me. He said he’s been confused his whole life.

He said he loves you and me more than anything. But he also said he needs to figure out who he really is and he can’t do that if he’s lying to everyone. How do you feel about that? I asked. Lily shrugged. I don’t know. I’m still mad at him, but I kind of understand. I mean, imagine living your whole life pretending to be someone you’re not.

That must be really hard. I was surprised by her maturity. When did my little girl grow up so much? You’re a lot smarter than I was at your age, I said, pulling her into a hug. Mom, can I ask you something? Anything. Do you think you and dad will get back together? I took a deep breath. I don’t know, honey.

Right now, I’m just trying to get through each day. But do you want to? Did I? That was the million-dollar question. Part of me does, I admitted. But I’m not sure if that’s love or just fear of change. Lily nodded. That makes sense. A few days later, I got another call. This time from Marcus. Please don’t hang up, he said immediately.

I need to tell you something. Something important. What is it? I talked to mom. I told her everything. The truth about Derek and me. My heart started racing. What did she say? She didn’t believe me at first. She thought I was covering for you, but I showed her messages between Dererick and me. I showed her everything.

And finally, she believed it, and she wants to talk to you. She wants to apologize. I felt tears welling up. I don’t know if I’m ready for that. I understand. But Amber, you should know that she’s devastated. She feels terrible for not believing you, for taking Dererick’s side. She should feel terrible, I said.

But there was no heat in my voice anymore. Just exhaustion. There’s something else, Marcus said. Something I need to tell you about Derek. What now? The day your father d!ed, Dererick and I didn’t just hook up because we were drunk and sad. There was more to it. I felt my stomach drop. What do you mean? Your father knew about Dererick’s past about the conversion therapy.

He and I had a conversation a few months before he d!ed. He told me he was worried about Derek. That he thought Dererick was still struggling with his identity. Why didn’t dad tell me? He didn’t want to worry you. He thought Dererick had it under control, but he asked me to keep an eye on Derek to be there for him if he ever needed to talk.

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. So, you use that as an excuse to start an affair with my husband? No, Marcus said quickly. I’m not trying to excuse what we did. I’m just trying to explain how it happened. That night after the funeral, Dererick broke down. He started talking about your dad, about how your dad was the only person who ever accepted him for who he really was.

And I just I wanted to comfort him. I wanted to be there for him like your dad had asked me to be, but it went too far. I was crying now. My dad would have been devastated if he knew what you two did. I know, Marcus said, his voice breaking. And I will have to live with that for the rest of my life. We hung up.

I sat there for a long time thinking about my dad. He’d always loved Dererick like a son. He’d always been so supportive of our marriage. And now I was learning that he’d known all along that Dererick was struggling. Why hadn’t he told me? Did he think I couldn’t handle it? Or did he think it would get better on its own? I called my mom.

Amber, she said immediately when she picked up. I’m so sorry. I should have believed you. I should have. Mom, stop. I said, I know Marcus told you everything. I know you know the truth now. I feel terrible. Mom said sobbing. I called. You crazy. I took Dererick’s side. I’m the worst mother in the world. You’re not the worst mother in the world.

You just wanted to believe the best in people. That’s not a crime. But I should have believed you. You’re my daughter. Mom, can I ask you something? Did you know about Dererick’s past? About the conversion therapy? There was a long pause. His mother mentioned something years ago. Mom said finally. Before you got married, she said Dererick had gone through a difficult time as a teenager, but she made it sound like it was just typical teenage rebellion.

I didn’t think I never thought. Why didn’t you tell me? Because I didn’t think it mattered. Dererick seemed happy with you. He seemed normal. I thought whatever he’d gone through, he’d moved past it. Nothing about this is normal, Mom. I know and I’m so so sorry. We talked for over an hour. Mom told me about her own guilt, about how she’d been too hard on Marcus growing up.

About how she’d never created a safe space for him to be honest about his sexuality. She wondered if that’s why he’d hidden it for so long. By the end of the conversation, I felt a little lighter. My mom and I were talking again. That was something. But there was still one more person I needed to confront, Derek.

I called him and asked him to meet me at a coffee shop downtown. Neutral territory. He showed up early, looking nervous. Thanks for agreeing to meet, he said. Marcus told me about my dad, I said without preamble about how dad knew about your struggles. Dererick’s face went pale. I didn’t know Marcus told you that. Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t dad tell me? Your dad made me promise not to.

He said you were going through enough stress with work and Lily. He didn’t want to burden you with my issues. My issues. I repeated. Derek, you’re my husband. Your issues are my issues. That’s what marriage is. I know. But I was ashamed. I spent my whole life trying to be someone I’m not. And your dad was the first person who accepted me anyway.

When he d!ed, I felt like I’d lost the only person who really understood me. So, you turned to Marcus. Yes, and that was wrong. I know that. But, Amber, I need you to understand that what happened with Marcus wasn’t just about sex or attraction. It was about feeling accepted. It was about feeling like I didn’t have to hide anymore.

I took a sip of my coffee, buying time to think. Do you want to be with Marcus? I asked. Honestly, no, Dererick said without hesitation. What we had wasn’t real. It was just an escape. And what about us? Was that real? Yes, Dererick said, looking right at me. You and Lily are the realest things in my life. I don’t want to lose you.

You already lost me, I said quietly. The moment you chose to lie to me for two years, “So that’s it? You’re giving up on us? I’m not giving up. I’m just being realistic. How can I ever trust you again?” Dererick reached across the table and took my hand. I almost pulled away, but something stopped me. “I know I don’t deserve another chance,” he said.

“I know I’ve destroyed everything, but I’m begging you to let me try. Let me prove to you that I can be honest, that I can be the husband you deserve.” I looked at our hands together. They looked the same as they always had, but everything else had changed. “I need time,” I said. “I need to figure out who I am without you.

I’ve spent 15 years being Dererick’s wife. I need to remember who Amber is. I understand, Dererick said. Take all the time you need. I’ll wait. We left the coffee shop and went our separate ways. Over the next few months, I focused on rebuilding my life. I started therapy. I reconnected with old friends I’d lost touch with.

I took up painting, something I’d always wanted to try but never had time for. Lily thrived with the new custody arrangement. She seemed happier, more relaxed. She even started talking to Dererick about his struggles, trying to understand him better. As for Marcus, I eventually agreed to see him. We met at a park near my house.

I don’t know if I can ever forgive you. I told him honestly, “What you did destroyed my family.” “I know,” Marcus said. “And I don’t expect forgiveness. I just wanted you to know that I’m getting help. I’m in therapy. I’m trying to figure out why I make such destructive choices.” “That’s good,” I said.

“But it doesn’t change what happened.” “I know, Amber. I just want you to know that I never meant to hurt you. You’re my niece. I’ve known you since you were born. Your family, you should have thought about that before you slept with my husband,” I said. There was nothing else to say. We parted ways and I haven’t seen him since.

6 months after everything fell apart, Dererick asked if we could try couples therapy. “I’m willing to do whatever it takes,” he said. said, “I want to fight for our marriage.” I agreed, but only on one condition. He had to be completely honest about everything. “No more secrets.” Our therapist’s name was Dr. Patricia Wong. She was kind, but firm, and she didn’t let either of us off easy.

In our first session, she asked Dererick to explain why he cheated. Because I was a coward, Dererick said simply, “I was too scared to admit the truth about who I am. So, I hurt the people I love instead. And what is the truth?” Dr. Wong asked. That I’m bisexual, that I’ll always be attracted to both men and women.

That no amount of prayer or therapy or pretending is going to change that. I watched him say those words and felt something shift inside me. For the first time, Dererick wasn’t hiding. He wasn’t making excuses. He was just being honest. Amber, Dr. Wong said, turning to me. How does it make you feel to hear that? Scared, I admitted.

Because if Dererick is attracted to men, how can I ever be enough for him? That’s not how it works, Dererick said quickly. Being bisexual doesn’t mean I need to be with both genders at the same time. It just means I’m capable of being attracted to both. But I choose you, Amber. I want to choose you.

How do I know you won’t change your mind? I asked. How do I know you won’t wake up one day and decide you need to be with a man? Dererick thought about it for a moment. You don’t know. Just like I don’t know if you’ll wake up one day and decide you’re done with me. Marriage is a risk, Amber. It always has been. I just made the risk worse by lying.

He was right. Marriage is always a gamble, but now the odds felt impossibly stacked against us. We continued therapy for months. Some sessions were productive. Others ended with both of us in tears. But slowly something started to shift. I started to understand Dererick’s pain, the years of shame and self-hatred, the desperate need to be accepted, and Dererick started to understand my pain.

The betrayal, the humiliation, the loss of trust. It wasn’t easy. There were setbacks. There were nights when I wanted to give up. But there were also moments of hope. Moments when I looked at Dererick and saw glimpses of the man I fell in love with all those years ago. Then, almost a year after everything happened, something changed everything again.

I was at home when I got a call from the police. Is this Amber Dawson? The officer asked. Yes. What’s wrong? There’s been an accident. Your husband Derek was in a car crash. He’s being taken to Portland Memorial Hospital. My heart stopped. Is he okay? He’s alive, but he’s injured. You should come to the hospital right away.

I grabbed my keys and ran out the door, calling Rachel to come pick up Lily from school. When I got to the hospital, they took me to Dererick’s room. He was conscious, but badly bruised. His arm was in a cast. Amber, he said when he saw me, I’m okay. I’m okay. I burst into tears. Seeing him lying there hurt and vulnerable made me realize something. I still loved him.

Despite everything he’d done, despite all the pain, I still loved him. Don’t cry, Dererick said, reaching for my hand with his good arm. I’m fine. Just some broken bones. What happened? I asked. Some drunk driver ran a red light, h!t me headon. The other driver is okay, too, just shaken up.

I sat down next to his bed and held his hand. I was so scared when they called. I’m sorry, Dererick said. I’m sorry for scaring you. I’m sorry for everything. Stop apologizing, I said. Just rest. I stayed with Dererick in the hospital for 3 days. Lily came to visit every day after school. We all sat together in that small hospital room, and for the first time in a year, we felt like a family again.

On the third day, as Dererick was being discharged, he turned to me and said, “I want to come home.” I looked at Lily. She nodded. “Okay.” I said, “You can come home.” It wasn’t a fairy tale ending. We still had a lot of work to do. Trust didn’t rebuild overnight, but it was a start. Dererick moved back in slowly.

First, just for dinners, then for weekends, then full-time. We set new boundaries. He agreed to continue individual therapy along with our couple’s therapy. He agreed to be completely transparent about his feelings, even when they were difficult, and I agreed to try to give him another chance, to believe that people can change.

It’s been 6 months since Dererick moved back in. Things aren’t perfect. We still have hard days. Days when I remember the betrayal and the pain comes flooding back. But we also have good days. Days when I look at Derek and see the man who’s fought so hard to become a better person. As for Marcus, he moved to Seattle. He sends Christmas cards every year, but we don’t talk.

Maybe one day we will, but not yet. My mom and I are close again. She still feels guilty about not believing me, but I’ve forgiven her. Life’s too short to hold grudges. Lily is doing well. She’s 15 now, and she’s grown so much through all of this. She’s more empathetic, more understanding of the complexities of human nature. She told me recently that she wants to be a therapist when she grows up.

She wants to help people who are struggling with their identities like her dad did. I think she’ll be amazing at it. As for me, I’m still figuring things out. I’m still healing. I’m still learning how to trust again. But I’m also learning that love isn’t just about the good times. It’s about choosing to fight through the bad times.

It’s about choosing forgiveness even when it’s hard. It’s about choosing hope even when everything seems hopeless. Derrick and I will never have the perfect marriage. We’ll always have this scar. But maybe that’s okay. Maybe scars just prove we survived something that tried to break us. And we’re still here, still fighting, still choosing each other.